lucy and sarah

traveling light

2012-02-02T01:26:00.042-06:00

As soon as Benny walked in the door, Spencer asked Benny, to take him home.

"Dinner is at 6:30, and its..its kind of a big home coming dinner for me." Spencer told him while Keith was on the phone with the insurance people. "I should go."

Benny didn't have a problem with that. Naturally, Keith tried to keep Spencer there, but Benny knew Spencer wouldn't hear of it.

"See, they're happy, you're back." Benny said once he got his car started and they were on the road.

Spencer, looked out the window. Finally he looked back at Benny.

"I gotta a tattoo." Spencer shrugged.

"Really?" Benny was being his usual nonsocial self.

"I know, I should have waited. And let you do it." He shrugged, ever so sadly.

Benny shook his head. "Don't worry so much about pleasing everyone. OK? Don't worry about your brother. And don't hang out with people you'd rather not hang out with, either." He yawned then.

"Its not like that. Really. I wish things were different. I mean if I could just get Noah to be, you know, there-" Spencer started to explain.

"So he's the problem?" Benny asked.

"Could be. Not sure. You know." Spencer looked as if it were too late to change anything now. "Its just..he's not Gage. But then, Gage isn't Gage, either."

"Don't think about settling." Benny shook his head. "Just tell me, you won't."

Spencer shook his head.

Benny drove on, wondering when the last time they hung out. He wasn't mad at Spencer, anymore. He just realized.

"Yeah, I remember, when it was just you and me, at the comic book store. We should really check it out, some time. Just the two of us." Benny decided. They could be friends, again. Better friends.

its not a surprise

2012-01-31T02:44:00.033-06:00

"Just let me take care of it." Keith kept calm, but the more he listened to the run-around the insurance people were giving Spencer... the more unsettling it became. "Stay here, tonight."

"No." Spencer squinted hard. "I can't. It wouldn't look right. I have to be there. It is my place." But he looked so tired.

"You can't get any rest there, with an infant in the next room." Keith assured him as he went to guide his brother to the couch. "Take a load off. You don't need to bother with all those people at your house."

Keith was fed up with the whole bunch.

"What have they ever done for you?" Keith wanted to know as he got Spencer resting.

"Well, my clothes are always clean, and ..and Sage, she's really good, getting everyone to keep the place, picked up. The bathroom looks really nice." Spencer shrugged.

Keith rolled his eyes at that.

"Plus, they do pay to live there." Spencer crossed his arms.

"Have you talked to Noah about any of this?" Keith set in the chair he did all his TV watching and reading in. The big leather seat.

"Sort of." Spencer remained even lipped. "I dunno what to do. You know, on one hand, its good to be there with a houseful. I always wanted a houseful. I did. Growing up, it was just me and Gran. Then it would be just Noah and me..and..and.."

"I dunno why you aren't with Noah, right now." Keith shook his head. He didn't understand it.

"Not just yet." Spencer shrugged. "I can't get a hold of him, anyhow. It can't be my phone." He sighed. "Look, I don't want him thinking I can't take care of anything. I need to get this taken care of." Spencer looked as if he might be sick. "I might be in complete debt, before its over with. I can't do that to Noah. I just can't."

when all the hope is gone

2012-01-29T01:42:00.002-06:00

Declan wasn't looking for a hand-out. Yet, it felt good to really talk to someone. Especially, someone who wasn't Gage. And especially, Sage. He avoided her as much as possible, but even when Sage was around, he did his best to look through her, or over the top of her head, but never directly into her eyes.

He couldn't. He knew too much. And possibly, it hurt even worse that she remained so quiet. Funny, he'd have dreams about Sage wanting to talk to him, but he could never hear her voice. Possibly, that's the way it really was with her now. Declan was doing his best to get used to it. Wasn't like he was ever really her boyfriend. Although, it felt so certain.

He wanted to blame it on the holidays. That's what did this. He needed to keep believing this. But the teaspoon clanked now as he watched Allie stir her coffee.

"They make fantastic French toast here," he said, but he wasn't up to eating such a grand meal. Just toast and fried eggs for him.

"I am suppose to stay away from starch." She was having a lonely boiled egg. Perhaps it was the cream in her coffee she could savor. He watched her pour more cream in her coffee.

Declan drank at his coffee. He remembered her voice at the Halloween party he went too. It was outstanding, and she was quite a performer.

"So anymore up coming shows?" He asked.

Allie shook her head, no. It was more prosperous to stick with voice overs for the car company on the local TV stations. "You may have heard me on the radio." But it wasn't music, just voice work. "I guess I'm fortunate. They like me." She sounded uncertain about her job, the band, even now.

Declan kept smiling, but he never listened to the radio. Perhaps he'd turn it on sometime. He asked which station.

The food came and they ate in silence.

"I guess, you're wondering how someone like Manny could get mixed up with me." She made him sound as if he were the worthy one, not her. "See, I really lost it, I suppose when I met this guy at a party, when I was in high school. Didn't know he'd be in jail the next day. He'd killed his sister's husband. I never heard from him, again. Then I had William. Mom, made me quit school. Before I know it, Mom took him away from me. Said I couldn't handle it. So I moved in to town. You know, tried to find something steady. Lots of jobs. But I'm not very good at housekeeping. I'd met Manny in passing. You know, night classes. He was trying to make up some classes too. I knew..I knew it wouldn't last. Really, I thought it would be just a one night stand...but.." She hesitated. "He said it was all my fault, when I got pregnant with Angie. Mom would not help me."

He could tell she was upset as tears slipped down her face. Declan's fingers touched her firm fist.

"I did spend the first few weeks with her. I didn't want to..I didn't want to give her up...and..now..this...Its completely my fault. Completely."

Declan shook his head, no. He didn't believe it. He gave her his clean handkerchief to wipe her tears.

She told him how thankful she was. That he would do this for her little girl. A child she would probably never know.

let me get what I want

2012-01-27T02:44:00.003-06:00

River never socialized with the others. Instead, he liked having a cigarette, alone. It was cold out, but it didn't bother him much to lean against the back wall, outside the grocery store near the dumpsters. He looked up to see that fellow everyone seemed to think was him. Not that they'd met, exactly. Of course, he knew of him. And he'd watched him, trying to see how much they were a like. He didn't see it. Where did the confusion come from?

River took his time to dig in his pocket for his cigarettes. There were never really enough during the day, but he made do. Didn't have much, to begin with. In fact, he'd rolled these, himself. Possibly a conversational piece, but he didn't like talking about his cigarettes. He liked what he did to them, and he was definitely going to enjoy his smoke break.

"Can..can I talk to you?" River could see the hesitation in Gage's face, but River grinned.

"What about?" River was very good at his job. However, River was habitually late and was bored to death. Not that he would stock groceries anymore, but seriously he was waiting to move on. Some how. Preferably, some place warmer, where there were likeable people.

"Would you like to come to my house?" Gage came closer, as River lit his cigarette and held it tight between his lips. River let the smoke carry through him. It was smooth and a grin resided.

"And do what?" Questions. It was best to know what was really up with his so called doppelganger. Was this about something sensuous? He really didn't like the guessing.

"I dunno." Gage shrugged.

"You, coming on to me?" River licked the bit of tobacco from his dry bottom lip as he took a closer look at Gage.

"No. I'm not. But..but I think I know someone...you might ..be interested in." Gage smirked.

"Oh, really?" River could barely hold in a laugh. He enjoyed his cigarette more. He could make Gage wait. River looked at the overcast. Just how lucky could he get today? "Who might that be?" River finally asked as he pursed his lips.

"Dunno, if you know him. He's been seeing this vegan, with dreadlocks." Gage shrugged as he stood next to him to get out of the cold.

"Oh, yeah?" River let the smoke escape his mouth. It was hard to tell the difference between the cold and smoke when he breathed out.

Of course, he only knew one person that fit Gage's description. River calmly smiled. He'd wondered what happened to Noah. They'd been tight. Or at least he thought so. Until now.

oh, so close

2012-01-25T01:41:00.037-06:00

Allie was devastated. No one came around to tell her about Angie's operation. She heard it from Sage who called to let her know.

"Why did she know? And I didn't?" It was easy to hate Manny, still. She thought of the things he said. Still she didn't want to repeat them, nor relive them. What was done was done. Of course, a lot of it had to do with her mother who wanted her to give up Angie. She was told it was the right thing to do. And back then, it was hard to consider the cold hard fact, she did what she was told.

"Sage would have never known if Declan hadn't told Gage." Cory reminded her. She guessed she'd under-estimated Cory. Maybe Sage, too. She seemed to care. Allie was less suspicious of her now. But still Allie felt as if she was behind a of wall of ice, of some kind, and she guessed it was her own doing.

She let Cory give her a hug. Yet, she needed to see this Declan. Let him know, she was grateful. Happy, he was going to help her little girl. Even if Manny wasn't exactly letting her see her. There was a lot of hate that she couldn't possibly undo. But seriously, it was ridiculous that Manny was acting this way.

So as soon as Cory let her go and he could see she was fine and he needed to go to work, she went straight to the grocery store to find Declan. Of course, it was Sage who she saw first at her cashier station.

"Declan?" Sage looked kind of puzzled. "Yeah, he's here." Sage took her down at the end of the bread isle where Declan was clicking prices on peanut butter and jam. His back was to Allie.

"Hey, Declan, someone wants to meet you," Sage said. Naturally, Declan looked as if he was scared to even turn and look.

"Hi." He was kind of coy, but he managed to shake her hand. Sage left them, to get back to her station. It was a quiet morning.

"Hello." Allie felt a little light headed. "I'm..I'm Angie's mother."

"Oh."

Now she didn't know what to say. She wanted to say how grateful she was, but it spilled into tears. "Is..is there anything I ..I can do for you?"

"Well..." He looked at her hand on his. He really didn't want her to let go. "Uh..no, of course, not..but, do you want to have breakfast?"

"Yeah, lets do that." Allie smiled as if she might like this beginning too.

just that little matter

2012-01-23T01:41:00.034-06:00

"Just listen to me. Listen to me, Spencer." Noah grabbed Spence's thin shoulders. He'd came to Spencer's house to check on him. "You, have to calm down."

Truth be told, Noah wanted to take Spencer far from here. This little place was a whole lot of drama, and Noah didn't do drama. They were fine, off on their own. Of course, Spencer had never been that far from home, and it showed. But Noah wasn't going to dwell on the fact. Honestly, they were from completely different worlds.

He'd always been the type, where he really didn't know much difference between his lovers and friends. Not that Noah missed the party-life. Even that was getting old. And meeting Spencer was a bit of fresh air. For starters, Spence didn't smoke and he really did love Noah's style, artistically speaking. And Spencer hadn't been with that many people.

"Look, you are getting a new car. Your insurance is paying for it. You have to look on the positive side. Quit being on the negative." Noah grinned. Possibly, Spencer was a bit of a drama queen. And Noah couldn't stand all those people at his house. "Its going to be fine." Noah's fingers spread across Spencer's face as he looked into his sweet eyes. Noah was determined he would be the best lover Spencer ever had. Spencer needed him. It was just he needed him to get out of this little world he was in. Spencer belonged to him.

"Look, why..why don't you stay with me." Noah advised it would all be better if he moved in with him.

"I just don't know." Spencer looked troubled. He couldn't imagine it was just the tree that killed his car. It must be more. It must be.

"Talk to me? Tell me? What is it?" Noah wanted Spencer's full attention. After all, wasn't Spencer in love with him?

twist and turns

2012-01-21T01:40:00.041-06:00

"I guess you must be pretty happy, about Angie." Declan finally mentioned to Gage at the grocery store. It took him a long time to get the nerve up to talk to Gage. After all, Declan was on the floor putting up displays, and at the end of the week he was taking some time off for the procedure at the hospital. Of course, he wondered what he'd do, once it was over and he was alone. Not that it really mattered, but still. Well, there was no one to check up on him. And he wouldn't ask anything of Sage.

"Angie?" First Gage looked at him as if he didn't know any Angie, but then there was a certain recognition. "What about her?"

"They found a match."

"Nobody, told me." Gage looked stunned. Maybe hurt. "What is it with that brother of mine? Mannie never tells me anything. He won't even tell me what..what I was like...you know.."

"Well, I'm ..I'm the match." Declan thought he should know. He guessed.

"That's great." Gage gave him a slap on the back as if he were the best friend in the world. "You're really gonna do it?"

Declan nodded.

"That's so awesome." Gage grinned. "Wow." That's when Gage told him about his accounting classes that the company were paying for. The new year was turning out to be awesome. Or so Gage, said.

"Yeah, just..just awesome." Declan envied him, though. A lot.

"Its just..this one thing..."

"What?" Declan couldn't imagine what Gage might have on his mind. Was it something about Sage? Was that not working out?

"Its Spencer." Gage was deep in thought. "This Noah, he's seeing. I dunno. I gotta wonder if he's just...I can't explain it. I can't stand the guy." Gage winced. "Do you know anybody gay..I dunno. Its just..."

"What?" Declan didn't get it. "Well..uh..I know..someone." He didn't know if it really counted. "He works here."

"Really?" Gage's gay-dar was certainly turned off.

"Yeah, people get you two mixed up, all the time." Declan was not a liar.

"Who?"

"Um, he works in produce. River." Declan didn't think they looked all that much alike. Just the curls. River had a mad head of dark blond curls, except he was from Quebec.

something like a movie

2012-01-19T01:39:00.026-06:00

"There is something very French about him." Sage sounded serious when she spoke of Gage.

Sarah could barely suppress a giggle. It was the strangest conversation she'd ever had with anyone. She was finally having breakfast at three in the afternoon. Sage made Sarah an omelet. Ezra was at the library and Gage was at the grocery store. Someone was giving Spencer an estimate about the damages in the yard.

"Is he French?" Sarah asked.

"I don't think so." Sage shrugged. "What I mean is? Its like I walked into a French movie or something. He's so.." Sage looked over at Sarah. "You..you really wouldn't want to know. I think he did say something in French though...But this...I dunno, what came over him, about Spencer."

"He definitely doesn't like Noah." Sarah smiled as she watched the cheddar cheese ooze from the egg dish. There were hashbrowns on the side. Sarah had to admit, Sage was a pretty good short order cook.

"Maybe, maybe..he's remembering. He says he doesn't." Sage looked frustrated. "What if it all comes back? Where do I fit in..in all of this?"

"He seems pretty devoted to you." Sarah knew Gage listened to her.

Sage nodded.

"So, so everything is going OK, you and..and Jake?" Sarah knew Sage wanted to ask about Ezra.

"Yeah, I'm tired." She knew things couldn't be a perfect family with her and Ezra. Not just yet. But maybe in time. Yet, she really felt close to Ezra. She'd never felt quite this close to anyone she'd ever met. And it was so different. She couldn't explain it. Maybe she'd walked into her own movie too. She couldn't tell where she was in the movie yet. Possibly, somewhere near the beginning.

more of a curse than a blessing

2012-01-17T02:38:00.046-06:00

"What! What has gotten in to you!" Sage thought she might go mad and pull every curl out of Gage's head. How could he speak that way to Spencer? She hugged herself hard as she had him sitting on their bed as if he were in time out.

"Hm." He was thinking. Perhaps. His eyebrows furrowed. Eyes all winced. This was really hard to explain, evidently. Sage sighed and plopped herself next to him.

"Look, you..you need to let Spencer be happy." She picked up a finger of his and inspected his clean fingernails. Maybe this was just wrong? She was beginning to think. Maybe this was her fault. She nursed her bottom lip.

"What do you mean?" Gage looked at her as if was speaking in a foreign language.

"Is this-" She didn't know if she could explain it. "Is this about you and Spencer? Do you..do you want to be with him?"

"For what?" He cracked a laugh. "No." He made a face full of disgust. "I don't think Noah's ..as..as great, as they say he is. I mean, someone needs to see if he can really be trusted. That's all." He was quiet then as he watched her fingers next to his. "OK..maybe..maybe I do love him. But..but its not..not the way he wants. I guess. But..but I don't want this guy to hurt him, either."

Sage guessed she understood.

"Well, you're gonna have to stop. Stop annoying Spencer." Sage looked at him.

"I can't help it." A sly smile emerged. "Its fun."

"You're being an idiot." Sage told him. "And you're not an idiot." She reminded him he had those accounting classes to take at night at the college.

"God, if only I could find ..someone..someone who could woo this, this dredlocks dude. Then Spence would know what kind of guy this Noah, really is." Gage was thinking out loud.

"Well, you're not. You are going to be studying numbers. Equations. Will you stop thinking about messing up things for Spencer and Noah?"

"Do I have to?" He leaned in to her more.

"Yes. You're going too." Sage told him. She knew it would be hard for Spencer to see the two of them together. "If Spencer wants to go with Noah, then he's going." It was the least they could do. She was afraid Spencer felt he was kept prisoner here. He was on the phone, at the moment, with some people, to take away the tree that was on his car.

back with a vengence

2012-01-15T01:38:00.036-06:00

Perhaps, something bad blew in with the wind, aside from the snow.

Spencer witnessed the strangest thing on the morning he came home. There sat a squirrel staring at the tree, out front. Usually, in this kind of weather, the squirrel would be deep in the tree, staying warm. Spencer stared at the varmint wondering what it meant. It was cold, and the snow was restless in the wind. He hurried in with this suitcase. Noah didn't stay. He didn't even get out of the car. Maybe, that was what was strange.

He thought they had a good time. Seemed too. They really did get along. On the beach, in the sea. Even got a tattoo with each other's name on their shoulder. It had to be serious? It must be. Or so he imagined.

Of course, he came in to the livingroom. The TV was on. Guess who was parked in front of it, eating Honey-Nut Cheerios? Spencer had to wonder if Gage did anything else, but eat and watch TV. He sighed as he took a turn to wheel his suitcase down to his room, but before he could get there, Sarah came out of the bathroom holding a tiny baby who's eyes were looking around as if he was here to take in the whole new world.

"Who's that?" Spencer took a step back. Was he in the right place? Was this his place? And Ezra was in the bathroom with Sarah. He looked at them both as if this was the strangest thing he'd ever seen in his life.

"So?" Gage still had a mouth full of cereal in his mouth. "How was it? Did you break up with that dude?"

"What?" Now that was a laugh, but Spencer scowled at him. "NO. That dude's name is Noah."

"Yeah, that dude." Gage scowled back as if Noah must be the worst. "What do you see in him? He's a vegan, for God's sake."

Spencer cleared his throat. He'd ignore that from Gage. He looked back at Sarah and Ezra in the doorway with the wee little thing she was holding. "Would you mind? Telling me, what..what's going on?"

"Oh yeah!" Gage grinned then. "Sarah had her baby. This is Jake." Gage pointed his spoon at him.

Spencer gave a deep sigh. He wanted to scream at Gage, but he couldn't. It would look bad. Especially, in front of the baby and the baby's mother.

"You don't mind, do you?" Sarah looked at Spencer. "I'm gonna pay rent. Honest, we'll both pay, you." Sarah smiled at Ezra then who was leaning over her shoulder, cooing with the baby.

Spencer nodded. Not sure he could handle it. Being here with a baby. He just didn't do babies. Honestly.

"Well." He was thinking of calling Noah. Immediately.

"Don't call Noah." Gage glared at Spencer, pointing his cereal spoon at him. "I don't trust him. I don't care how much your brother likes him. I can't stand him. He's all wrong for you."

Spencer winced wondering where was this was coming from. Spencer kept listening to the silence. What was the purpose of even being here? Sure he owned the place, but maybe..maybe he should move in with Noah, just like Noah suggested.

But the wind kept gusting. It was getting colder. The snow was blowing. A crack came from outside and a noise of a sad scrape that sounded more like a cry was heard. Everyone went to see what happened outside from the livingroom bay window. The big fat tree out front with its winter skeleton limbs crashed on Spencer's car. It was as if even he elements were against him, too.

stumbling in the dark

2012-01-13T02:37:00.052-06:00

Honestly, Ezra was playing it by ear. He hadn't a thought in his head, what might be next. Yet, contentment was setting in. Only, he'd never slept with anyone in an awful long time(Sage was the exception, but that was more of a one time sleepover that didn't mean anything). He felt he was a loner, at heart. And to have not only the baby in his room, there was Sarah too. He couldn't even imagine how it might be.

There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask Sarah. Like what side of the bed did she sleep on? Soon enough, he figured out, it was the side near the baby's crib. All were resting, and he thought possibly, he should just stay on the couch.

"Why would you do that?" Gage almost winked. As it was, a cold wind rolled in. Snow was on the way. "Trust me, you just need to hibernate."

Ezra did his best to take it easy. He helped clean up the kitchen after everyone left. He wasn't needed at the library until tomorrow and Ezra guessed their were less hours to work now at the grocery store. After all, he was just a stock boy. Yet, Ezra felt lost, somehow. It was beginning to make him wonder where he should really be.

"You should go to bed." Now Sage got after him.

"I-I-need to wash up, first." He nodded as if he was afraid he'd wake them. Then what? He took his time. Found some flannel pajamas in the hall closet. After a long hot shower, he was exhausted. It wouldn't take much to put him to sleep. So he tip-toed in and sneaked under the covers. He'd never felt this warm before. Especially, at this time of night. It was as if slumber set in automatic. But the next thing he knew the lamp was on and the baby was fussing.

"What time is it?" He squeezed his eyes tight. Ezra could barely move.

"Some time after two." Sarah told him. She changed Jake's pamper, and they got situated in the rocking chair next to the crib.

Ezra cracked one eye open to get a peak. Yeap, it was private. He hid under the covers, turned away. Thinking he should do something. Sarah snapped off the lamp light. It was dark again. But he missed her in bed. He really did, as he slid one foot over to the warm spot where she'd been. He slid it back. No way was he going to start hogging the bed. No, he'd wait. Stay calm. But the wind sounded like an ocean with choppy waters.

Ezra shivered. Just half asleep. He didn't want to fall asleep. He needed to be awake when Sarah was, but somehow, he couldn't fight it. He hoped she wouldn't be mad at him.

pretty little things

2012-01-11T01:36:00.019-06:00

Todd got Sarah and Ezra to Spencer's. He left Lucy home with the baby, because they didn't have the room in the car.

He felt like a chauffeur as he looked in the backseat with Ezra all grins. Infant Jake in his car seat and Sarah on the other side.

"So we're not missing anything?" Todd asked.

"Nope, got the most important thing right here." Ezra assured him. All of Sarah's things were up front with Todd.

"All righty then." Todd smiled back. Now was not the time to discuss Craig with them. He heard from him just after Christmas. Naturally, Craig wondered if Sarah had the baby yet. But he was cut short for time. Actually, Todd was a bit alarmed that he heard bombs in the back ground. Just what was Craig up too?

"If I send you some money, will you make sure they get it?" Craig only had a few minutes to ask.

"Of course." Todd told him. What sort of brother did he think he was. "What do you want me to tell her?"

Craig didn't answer. The phone went silent. Todd wondered if Craig was even alive. It would be devastating to spring such a thing on Sarah now. He would wait and see. This would not be the day he spoke of Craig.

Soon enough they were at the house. It was a little surprise party for all of them. Nina brought a birthday cake, and their were presents from Sarah's parents. It was a tiny gathering. Spencer wasn't even there.

"Has anybody heard from him, lately?" Todd winced. They couldn't possibly be still on holiday, could they?

Gage just shrugged as if it were a mystery.

It was back to cake and ice cream after that. Then everyone watched Sarah open presents while Ezra held the baby.

Todd couldn't help but smile. Ezra seemed to be a natural at this.

I might not ever really know

2012-01-09T02:36:00.045-06:00

"No. It has to be new. Something that isn't on recall." Sage did her homework. She'd checked online. They'd found the right crib at the local department store. With the help of Casey giving directions, she and Gage put the crib together in Sarah and Ezra's new room which used to be Gage's.

Of course, Gage was a little worried they didn't have enough space in Sage's room. At the moment, they'd put two single beds together with a regular sized fitted sheet keeping them together. It would have to do. There were more important matters.

"So, you excited about being an uncle?" Gage wanted to know as he waited for the next step from Casey with the solid oak crib.

"Well, I'm gonna be a Dad." Casey sighed with a smile.

"When?" Sage wanted to know.

"Not until the end of summer." He sounded as if it were a long way off. She supposed it was.

"You must be excited." Sage nodded.

"I would be." Gage looked at Sage as if she too, had an announcement.

Sage choked on a cough, wondering what he was expecting.

Finally, they set up the bed and got it ready. A mobile included with soft animals. The room was finally coming together. The curtains were a dark blue. Sage wished she could change them out, but they might need them dark for sleep. Casey didn't stay long. They were alone, again, but down in her room. It was quite a mess. Gage's things mixed with hers.

"How should we do this?" Sage inspected the mess. It wasn't the biggest room.

"Maybe we should move in with Declan." Gage said ever so brightly. "He has a whole house."

"Um, no." She looked up at him.

"Have you heard from him?" He asked so innocently.

"No." She winced. "And I'm not going too. I dunno if ..if I should keep the car." She sounded as if she needed to return it. Although, she couldn't imagine Declan driving a pink car. "I guess I'll have to pay for it, some how." She hugged herself.

"I'll help you." He shrugged ever so happily, as if Declan would not be a downer for him.

She liked that idea of buying the car, but it still stung deep that she'd neglected Declan's feelings. He was such a sweet and passionate person. A part of her would never forget him, and yet she had.

"But we need things. We need a new bed. We need a good dresser. A place for our stuff." Gage put his arm around Sage. He looked around the room. No, there was nothing temporary on his mind. This might as well have been a gold mine. Sage smiled. He made her smile as she was engulfed with his warmth.

such weary advice

2012-01-07T02:35:00.022-06:00

"Are you sure about this?" Lucy didn't like it one little bit that Sarah was choosing Ezra over her parents. Something wasn't quite right in Sarah's head. "Your Mom only wants to help. She's a grandmother now. She wants to help you and the baby." Lucy sighed as she help Sarah get ready to leave the hospital. "You seriously, aren't going to drive are you?" Ezra couldn't.

"Lucy, I want it to be ..me..and..and the baby." Sarah kept her eye on the infant. She looked out of sorts, but still rather radiant to have been in labor a good twenty-something hours before the seven pounder arrived.

"Its because you're mad at her, isn't it?" Lucy decided. "You can't hold it against her, keeping you from the truth about your father, all this time."

"It doesn't matter." But Lucy knew it did.

"You have to forgive her. You have too." Lucy never thought Sarah felt this way about not knowing her real father. After all, she'd had the most perfect family possible. Lucy wished her own had been that normal.

"Look, can we not..." Sarah watched the baby in her arms. "I don't want to talk about it. I want some time with Jake, on my own. Without her interference. I don't want to depend on her, all right."

"Instead, depend on the likes of Ezra." Lucy was cross about the matter. "He knows nothing about raising a kid."

"Neither, do I." Sarah looked up at her. "But I want to know. I want to learn on my own. She'll hoover. She'll make it too easy."

"Too easy?" Lucy never heard of such a thing. "A baby is hard work." Lucy scowled. "You'll need your rest. Can you guarantee Ezra can do that for you?"

"Well, not all of us have Todd, like you do. He treats you like a princess. And you know it." Sarah snapped.

Lucy kept her mouth shut then. She only wished for the best for Sarah and Jake. Seriously, she didn't think Ezra was up for it. Never would be, in fact.

and then

2012-01-05T01:34:00.046-06:00

Declan waited all Christmas to hear from Sage. Nothing.

He'd worked Christmas eve and Christmas day. She was nowhere. He'd called. Left her messages. It was as if she didn't care.

He'd gotten her a locket that he shouldn't have. It was a gold heart, as if he were giving her his own. And he moped about for sometime. Of course, no one would ask if he were hurt or ailing. Because no one ever asked anything of him. But he didn't eat, most of the week. Although, he got the nerve up, to investigate a little. First it was casual. He'd walk by the house where Sage lived. Perhaps she really was on vacation, of some kind. No one seemed to know, other than some time off.

Then he managed to let himself in, the back way. It looked as if no one was home. But the car was in the garage. Declan looked for other signs. Although, he didn't get past the kitchen. No, he'd stood still as if he might be an appliance or a piece of fruit. And waited.

He almost ran when the fridge made a noise as if a bird might be stuck inside. His heart finally calmed. And then he heard it. Just a soft murmur. A bit of laughter. A part of him wished it was a fairytale. Maybe even elves at play, but he knew what he heard, and he knew he had to get away fast, before he made an ass of himself.

Declan cried for days, afterwards. New Years was coming and he was all alone. What in the world would he do with himself now?

If he were not here, no one would miss him, he knew. Yet, what was the point, feeling sorry for himself. He knew there were others, really sick. And the only place he knew to go..was the Children's Hospital.

The kids found him funny there. Declan didn't have to do much, be there in the ward where all the little ones who could, came to play. It was there Declan met Manny.

"Hey, I can't believe you're here." Manny said. He was holding Angie, all dolled up in a Santa outfit.

Declan looked at him wide eyed. He wasn't sure what Manny was talking about.

"We found a match." Manny sounded like that was the best Christmas present ever.

"That's great." Declan smiled as if he understood why Manny was so happy. Only, it wasn't until he walked away, on his way home that he saw in his messages on his cell. Declan was the match.

just suppose

2012-01-03T01:33:00.051-06:00

"Its gonna be all right." Gage found himself saying to Sage. Although, maybe he was just saying it to himself. No, he was saying it to her. He believed it. However, she was so quiet now. And he wondered what was on her mind. It couldn't be a mistake. It couldn't be. Could she change her mind about him, so easily?

A part of him wanted to believe it was some sort of magic. But it wasn't that exactly. This was real, and he felt it with every little moment with her. He felt it when she wasn't even there. This was more than icing on the cake. This was the start of a new beginning, and he hoped she didn't think he'd taken it so blithely. But it was true, she made him happy. He couldn't help it. OK, so he might have been silly over the notion that she could be with him. Yet, he needed to be serious now. He wanted to be, but this surge of happiness over took him at times. Gage wanted to make this right. Whatever it was he'd done wrong. He couldn't believe it being just sex with Sage. No, it was more. So much more.

He helped her back at the house change the bedding on his bed. She'd pushed all his things into a box or two. He didn't have much. Still she was silent. Her nature was to have everything straighten and clean. She vaccumed the place as if he were moving out permanently. The closet was empty now. All his clothes on hangers were scooped away and down in the basement.

The room was ready for Sarah and Ezra.

"What did I do?" He wished she'd talk. This was a fight of some kind, he guessed, as he watched her look around the room as if something was missing.

"Its not you." She finally looked at him.

"But its not you, either." He winced.

"No." She sighed as if she was too miserable for company. "I dunno what to do...about Declan." She bit her thumb nail to the quick.

"Oh." Gage honestly hadn't thought about him. He could be off on a boat somewhere, as far as he was concerned. Like Spencer. It didn't really matter, until now. "Just..just be honest." That was always, best, wasn't it?

She pressed her lips tight, as if she might start to cry.

"Damn," She held under her breath. "We need a crib." Her voice cracked.

Gage blinked staring at the bed that looked a lot better than that striped comforter he used to have on the bed.

"For what?" He winced.

"For the baby." Sage looked at him.

Gage didn't know exactly what she was talking about. But did this mean what he thought it meant? Sage wanted a baby? He smiled, thinking that was a great idea.

without a question

2012-01-01T01:32:00.026-06:00

Jake was a New Years baby. Of course, Sarah spent most of New Year's eve in labor.

Casey agonized over this. Sure, he was happy as the next guy to find out he was going to be a new father. Nina kept reminding him every minute practically. But to see it really happening.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He was puzzled now. It was possibly the wrong thing to say. Sarah's baby was beautiful. He looked a lot like her. But to see her in so much pain and agony. He was dreading that part with Nina.

"I could have C-section." She sounded like she could make an appointment for it, right now.

"It doesn't work that way." Casey reminded her. This was a big responsibilities on so many levels. She reminded him this all the time from the way he dressed, how he didn't pick up after himself and of course, how he talked. "You've got a lot to do, too."

She needed to worry about her diet. What about exercise? If they wanted the best for their baby, then now would be good to start.

Of course, his Dad was thrilled that another grandbaby was on the way. He was handing out candy cigars to anyone who would take one.

"Sarah says she doesn't want to come home with us." Her mother announced the revelation to the crowd that gathered in the waiting room.

"Where's she gonna go?" Casey was in total shocked. She'd been with her parents for the duration of her pregnancy. She'd given up her apartment.

"Its all Ezra's doing." Her mother pointed out, as if he alone was taking Sarah and the baby away from all of them.

"Where?" Casey winced.

"To Spencer's." It sounded dreadful.

Casey just laughed. He did know why. He knew Sarah was afraid her mother might raise the baby her mother's way, and Sarah wanted to make sure she did what she wanted with the baby. After all, the baby was Sarah's.

out of the darkness

2011-12-30T01:22:00.057-06:00

Sarah wanted to go home. Preferable read a book. Why woudn't anyone give her, her iPod here at the hospital?

Of course, her lower back was in fits of spasms that shot all the way down her inner thighs. She felt almost paralyzed.

When her water broke, like a never ending gushing spot, at home in her own room, her father went running to get her mother. And now they were here. Still the pain was horrible. She'd never experienced anything like it. She'd cried so much. Told them how much she hated Craig. Always would. She ratted on him the first three hours and then Lucy took a shift of holding her hand. Again, she lived and breathed her agony as if this was all Craig's fault. He was evil and wicked and possibly a psycho. Then she had the story to share with Todd.

"Who? Who is it, that you want?" Todd asked as she gripped his hand every time she gnashed her teeth when the pain would strike.

"I want Ezra." It was barely a wimpier when she said it. She thought of him. "He's mad at me, you know. I'm really not trying to change him. I'm not." She wept then. If only he were here. She tried to focus on Ezra. Thinking of his music, all that ordinary noise becoming a quaint sound. His smile. Even his scruffiness.

If they could be anywhere but here. Maybe in the great wide open. A plush landscape. Hills in the background. Like the sound of music. She breathed easy then. She was with Ezra and they were on horseback. A fairytale perhaps. But still she basked in the warmth of it, as if it could happen. Maybe.

But it was just a dream. The pains came back. The nightmare set in.

"I don't want to do this, anymore." She felt the pool of sweat and tears rimming her eyes. Sarah bet she looked pretty awful.

"I'm afraid, its really not about you, anymore." She blinked. There was Ezra. "It'll be all right." His hand was in hers. He wore the scrubs that all wore for the duration of this family journey.

It was a relief to know he was here.

"You don't hate me, do you?" Just her luck Todd made him, do this somehow.

"Just be calm." His fingers touched her damp forehead. "Stop using that word. Hate. You don't need it, anymore." His lips touched her forehead, and she laughed. Another spasm shot through her, but this time it didn't hurt so bad.

coming undone

2011-12-28T01:20:00.046-06:00

Suddenly, Sage felt shy. After all, she didn't have undies on. Just Gage's shirt. She hurried back to Gage's room and grabbed a pair of his boxers from his dresser.

Naturally, Gage was grinning as if this might be a new game to play this morning. She put her index finger to her lips.

"What?" He was all smiles. Nothing was going to spoil his mood.

"Ezra is out there. In the kitchen." She whispered.

"Oh." He still didn't get it.

"I have to make breakfast." She told him.

"Let him make breakfast." He kept grinning as he pulled her on top of him, who evidently decided this would be all nude day, or something.

"No." She unwrapped herself from him. "I have too." She did. She must.

Yet, the next twenty minutes or so was dead silence. Even when she did put the toast out, Ezra slowly chewed his toast as if waiting for something else. But Sage placed the scrambled eggs in front of him. Still a stifling silence. She saw how he looked at her.

Finally, Gage showed up as if he were a freight train not quite ready to eat.

"So." Ezra looked at Gage wide eyed. "Anything, you want to share with me?"

"Well...yeah!" Gage grinned.

Sage shook her head, no. Gage looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I got a job. A real job at the grocery story. Accounting. Me! I got it." He was so happy. Sage smiled too, and it took everything in her, not to smooth down those curls of his with an add Good Boy!

He was not a pet. She winced then, feeling so guilty.

She'd waited all her life to find the one. Really, how could she explain this? She'd let it happen with him. She didn't want any regrets. But at the moment she found herself breaking into a sweat

Gage practically swallowed the scrambled eggs whole and choked down the toast with coffee. Really, it was a tad disgusting, but he went to take a shower.

"Are you sure you know, what you're doing?" Ezra asked.

"Yes." But her voice was tender. A part of her was glad she hadn't waited a second longer. After all, she was twenty-one even if she looked all of 14.

"What about Declan?" Ezra reminded her.

Now, she was upset. How could Ezra do this?

"You know, he would have waited. Probably given you an engagement ring. Waited forever for you. And you...you just had to find out what it was all about with Gage." Ezra's words stung her. She couldn't believe he'd say those things.

Sage winced with tears as she went to pick up the dirty dishes.

"Look, I'm not trying to hurt you. Its just, I thought you were different. Different, than this-" He started.

Sage hugged herself. She didn't want to think about Declan. She hadn't thought of him. Now she felt awful. What was she to do? She needed that car, but now...

Ezra's cell went off. He looked at the text.

"God." He looked up as if he might say a little prayer. "Sarah's having the baby."

"I-I can drive you to the hospital." Sage could at least do that. She heard the high pitch noise of the water in the shower cut short. Gage was already done. She guessed he'd have to go to the hospital too.

what to do

2011-12-26T01:05:00.039-06:00

Ezra felt pretty out of place at Sarah's parents, but Casey and his wife were there, and he watched everyone open presents. As it was, he hadn't really Christmas shopped. He guessed if he had, he should have really gotten Sarah a present.

She gave him face wash and shaving cream. She really wanted him to take care of that face of his.

"You need to shave more." She informed him. He only grinned, thinking it funny. Why would she say that? He thought on it most of the night after he got home. But then he fell a slept with the light on in his bedroom. He guessed the Christmas program took a lot out of him. After all, he'd played the trumpet, the trombone and the tuba. And there were the bells. The most important part. And now he had shaving cream to ponder over.

The house was quiet. Spencer was off on his holiday with Noah. But Sage wasn't in her room. Ezra couldn't imagine her going off with Declan even if he were sweet on her. Ezra needed her for a sounding board of sorts. Was he too hairy?

He loved his stubble. It was manly. Why was Sarah so against it? Ezra finally managed upstairs, thinking he smelled coffee. Perhaps, Sage and Gage were going to work. He'd lucked out. The library was closed.

Yes, he needed to talk to Sage, she was like the little sister he never had. And, her advice was usually sensible. But he heard giggling instead. He didn't know where it was coming from. But the coffee was brewing. He went to get himself some.

It sounded like Gage was having a laugh in his room. Yet suddenly things were still. So was Ezra, who wondered what was going on? What would Sage think if she knew? Ezra winced hard, wondering if he could keep this to himself.

He went to pour some milk in his coffee and took him a seat at the dining table as he watched the hallway. Could he ignore this?

The door flew open from Gage's room and he saw someone from behind in Gage's shirt. He managed to see a leg. And the hair. Such long hair. Ezra spewed his coffee when he figured out who it was.

star of wonder

2011-12-24T01:50:00.005-06:00

I call you

From the comet's cradle
I found you
Trembling by yourself
When the night falls
Lightly on your right-wing shoulder
Wonderful know-it-all
Slightly where the night gets colder

Nina couldn't wait a second longer. It was time. And she wanted to have the perfect Christmas with her folks and Casey. Naturally, Sarah wasn't invited. She didn't care what happened to Sarah this Christmas.

Truth be told, Nina was green with envy when it came to Sarah. It didn't matter if Casey thought of her as his sister. She was still his ex, pregnant and single. No way was Sarah squeezing into their Christmas.

As it was there was actually something else on Nina's mind. She unwrapped the package in the bathroom. It was a pregnancy test. Hopefully, this was going to be her best Christmas ever.

Oh, conscience,
Where will you carry me?
I found you
Star of terrifying effigies
When the night falls
I carry myself to the fortress
Of your glorious cost
Oh, I may seek your fortress

Sarah called everyone she knew when she found out that Ezra was helping with the Christmas program at church. It was by accident that she found out at the library. One of the older clerks there told her about Ezra's luck. As it was, he wouldn't even speak of it to her. So she along with Todd and Lucy were going to surprise him. She could hardly wait to see the program.

Of course, when they got to the old church, he was nowhere in sight. She supposed he was a behind the scenes kind of guy. But soon came the children and bells, along with other noises. Sarah couldn't believe the music. Really, it was quite loud. But their were voices heard. An energy all on its own. It felt like Christmas now.

When the night falls
We see the star of wonder
Wonderful night falls
We see you
We see you

Cory found the last Christmas tree down at the grocery store. He loaded it up and went home with it. And as sad as he felt, he put the Christmas tree up in fresh water and went to find his grandmother's old decorations. Finally, Allie saw what was happening, and she to joined in the silence. Maybe it would be a good Christmas, after all.

I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to the yard
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to my heart

Sage hoped they weren't late for Ezra's program. She helped dress Gage. It was as if something else was on his mind. She couldn't help but smile. Maybe if he ate another sugar cookie, it wouldn't look so obvious. But she knew just how good he was at keeping secrets. Not very good.

But she didn't make him promise anything. Perhaps her smile was just as bad at keeping secrets.

*Star of Wonder by Sufjan Stevens

the wonder of it

2011-12-22T02:49:00.046-06:00

Gage was on cloud nine. He was good with numbers. The manager was looking for a new accountant. He gave Gage a story problem to solve. And he did it. He wasn't exactly sure how he did it, but it seemed.... he caught on to percentages an spread sheets. It was wild in his head. Kind of like a drug, maybe. He didn't know how it exactly happened, but it did. And for the first time in his life, he guessed he'd been blessed.

He couldn't wait to let Sage know. Some big doors were finally opening up for him. Not only did he get offered a better and bigger paying job, they'd offered to help him take some college courses he needed too. Seriously, he didn't know that kind of thing existed, but obviously it did.

Gage didn't care how cold it was outside, he sprinted the way home. Watching for cars along the way, not wanting to get hit by bus or some other strange thing. No, he hoped Sage would be just excited as he was. It was Christmas and they needed to start celebrating, now.

But the house was so quiet and the lights were off. The washing machine wasn't even going. He called for her, but she didn't call back. Gage supposed he could get annoying.. He knew he annoyed the hell out of Spencer. Really, he wanted to stop doing that, but sometimes, he couldn't help himself.

Finally, he crept down the stairs and there she was in the basement, alone in the shadows of the evening, sitting on her bed. She looked so sad. He'd never seen her like this. For a moment he wondered if someone zapped Sage right out of this shell that looked as if her world, already ended.

"What happened?" Instantly, he felt bad for her as he sat next to her. There was so much good he wanted to share with her, but she looked worried, stung with tears.

"I don't belong here." Her voice cracked.

"That can't be true." He whispered in her ear. He was so close, yet she seemed so far away. His arm slipped around her. Gage couldn't let her turn invisible. Finally, he felt what he'd only wondered about. She needed him. She did.

Her head moved to his shoulder as he drew her in. It felt right to be here. Maybe it was like watching the peacefulness of the stars at night.

waiting for the wonderous light

2011-12-20T01:48:00.080-06:00

All that was on Sage's mind was how to make pimento cheese spread. She thought all the ingredients were in the fridge. She'd came home from work alone. The snow melted and the rain came. It warmed up for a day, but it was getting colder now. Still she wanted a pimento cheese sandwich. It was strange, but it was a childhood memory. It was the only thing she actually remembered of her father. Not his face, perhaps his smile. His calloused fingers, and him making his homemade pimento cheese spread.

Honestly, she hadn't thought of of him or that kind of sandwich in forever. But she wasn't going to worry about the why. She would just make it. After all, her stomach was growling. She wasn't really thinking so much about the importance of food, lately. Well, of course, she wanted Gage to have a balanced diet. But he was still at the grocery store. Something about seeing the manager. She couldn't imagine what that could be about. Hopefully, he wouldn't get himself fired.

This past week, he'd moved up to being the cashier at the express lane. No one liked to check themselves out at their store in the self checkout, so they'd returned with the express lane.

So as soon as she got home she went straight to the fridge and found the cheese and the jar of pimentos. They weren't soured yet, so she went to work shredding and chopping, and then came the Miracle Whip. Instantly, she imagined her Dad. Everything was better with Miracle Whip, according to him.

Of course, she couldn't eat the white bread sandwich quick enough as she savored each bite. She choked it down with some cold brewed tea. Maybe she needed to worry about herself for a while, instead of Gage. After all, he was usually in another world. He liked game shows, America's Funniest videos and especially that Drew Carry show with the improv actors. These were things that finally made him happy, and it made her smile because she thought he was going to make it somehow, after all.

Finally, after she finished up her quick lunch she went down to her room to see if their were any dirty clothes to wash, but as soon as she got there she saw that her closet door was shut. She always left it open. How could she not smell trouble. But nothing was stolen. She jerked the closet door open to shed some light on the situation.

Not that she was exactly scared of monsters, but it was dark. Still, she dove in with both fists and pulled out the culprit, immediately.

"Well, if this isn't a peculiar surprise." Her grip had him tight around the collar as she pulled him right out of the closet. It was easy to put a choke hold on him. She'd done so without a second thought.. Sometimes, she didn't know her own strength. "What are you doing here, Cory?"

But she didn't wait for an answer, she choked harder. Immediately, it was hard to relax because she was going on a silent instinct. It was like a personality she usually kept in check. Sage didn't often share this information with just anyone. Sage could be very bad, if she had to be. Finally, she threw him to the floor.

He could barely breathe. A part her wished she'd let him pass out, but she didn't want a dead guy in her room, either.

Sage sighed.

"What the hell!" He winced hard.

"Well, that makes two of us." She squinted in disgust. "Don't fuck'n scare me." Her fists were ready and if he came any closer, she put him right back on the floor. Yet Sage felt her body quiver as if she was so cold. The depth of it would not let go of her.

"I just wanted to see you." He rubbed his neck. "I want us to go away, together. Just you and me." Cory got up, squinting hard as if she really had hurt him.

Sage rolled her eyes. "I'm beginning to see the pathetic side of you." She remained calm as she looked at him indifferent. "How could you do this to Allie?" Sage scowled. "She needs you now, more than she ever did. And you think its OK to walk away."

"Well, she's not exactly on the up and up with me, you know." He glared at her then.

"You just have to give her time, all right. She..she has a lot to think about. How do you know how all this was for her? Maybe she had to do what she had to do, to survive. Maybe she has all these feelings she can't even handle. You have to go back." She ordered.

"No." Cory scowled.

"Yeah, its the right thing to do. If she means anything to you, then.." Sage shook her head. "Look, when I saw her..with you...I loved you more...I did. Because, you weren't some guy who was with some cookie cutter girl. And I know she hates me, I'm sorry she does, but I think she's great. And if you, you walk out now, then you really aren't at all who I thought you were." She hugged herself tight, imaging the damage she could have caused. She gritted hard as she felt light headed. She really didn't want to harm him. She didn't. But maybe he'd stay away for good now.

Maybe that's how I like it

2011-12-18T01:47:00.024-06:00

The old man bugged him on several occasion to come down to the church.

"We really need you." He told Ezra. Of course, Ezra had avoided Horace at all cost, for the most part. Yes, he knew him, growing up. He'd practically taught Ezra every instrument to play. Mostly the horns and, of course the piano.

Ezra wanted to tell him that he knew someone else. He was not that Ezra, anymore. As it was, he felt as if he were different now. He'd been congenial back then. Now, Ezra didn't feel the need to do anything. Especially music.

"But it made you so happy." The old man was frail now. Ezra knew Horace wasn't in the best of health. Finally, he'd managed a few days ago to walk down to the old church. He expected more at the old rock building, or so Ezra thought. The place was so rundown. The church really wasn't much better than Horace. It was only a few blocks from Spencer's.

Naturally, Horace wanted to see if Ezra remembered how to do anything on the horns. Ezra couldn't help but smile. He said he didn't.

"Oh, just try." Horace coaxed.

Ezra sighed, and picked up the trumpet. He started with the major notes. It just about took all his breath. He knew he didn't have the stamina for it.

"But it was so good." Horace assured him. "I know you like to make noise. Always have."

Little by little the old man was getting to him, before he knew it, he'd been talked into helping with the Christmas music. It was funny how he saw Horace now. He was more than just a teacher. Maybe he was the mentor Ezra had been searching for.

I'm writing poems about you... And they aren't very nice

2011-12-16T05:55:00.000-06:00

Cory couldn't help it. He came home to have a fight with the garage wall. Of course, the brick wall won and left him with bloody knuckles.
.
He was so mad. Consumed, burning with a fit of anger. How could Allie leave him in the dark so long.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Of course, his hand was in pain, and he was glad Sage didn't see the fit he pulled, and he'd spared Allie too.

"Because." She could barely get the words out. "What am I suppose to do? Its out of my hands. I-I gave the baby up." She scowled as if she couldn't make an effort. Why should she be the one to explain?

"I don't even understand." Cory squinted hard wishing his fist didn't feel so bad. "Its like I don't even know you."

Instantly, he upset Allie. She went into the other room. She couldn't bare to look at him.

"Sometimes, I don't think you know how to even feel." He felt himself crumbling, like an earth quake inside him. He couldn't stay here, but it was his house.

His teeth gnashed as he watched her unravel. How could something from the past be so haunting, he guessed. Cory could only imagine how it might have been if they'd had kids of their own. Just how would she be?

Cory shook his head. He didn't even want to know. He shut the front door behind him. He was too numb to even fight the cold. A part of him never wanted to see Allie, again.

what the future holds

2011-12-14T01:45:00.047-06:00

Noah wasn't so sure where he stood with Spencer. First of all, there was so much going on in Spencer's life.

"I might bore you." Noah was the first to admit after their second fiasco. Oh, he knew Spencer's brother didn't think his dinner party was anything but. Yet, they had nothing for him him to eat. After all, he was vegan and gluten free.

"No.." Spencer got swallowed in a wince that took him forever to get out of. "How can you say that?"

Noah couldn't deny it, he was amused with Spencer's body gestures.

"OK." Noah smiled. "Lets just forget it." He did have Spencer at his apartment, after all. And he was sitting on his quaint, slim lined brown sofa. Noah really did consider himself quite the naturalist with his neutral elements around him. Which meant huge painting of his on art display. There was really room for nothing else. He wanted to show off his painting of people close. As in, getting bits of a person's emotions, just showing half their face.

"NO...no..what..what do you mean?" Spencer was more confused than ever.

"I like you." Noah focused on Spencer.

"Good." Spencer sounded relieved.

"Maybe..maybe you need to forget, you know..everything at home..and..and it could be like a vacation." Noah smiled.

"A vacation?" Spencer wasn't giving up those confused gazes.

"Yeah, you and me, we should get away. Christmas vacation." Noah had it all planned. They could go on a cruise. An island. Snorkling. Some place warm.

"I dunno." Spencer looked so unsure. "I need to spend Christmas with my brother and..and I have to think about Gage."

"What's to think about him? He didn't really think much of you, during Thanksgiving, now did he?" Noah reminded him. "It looks as if he's moved on." Noah saw him with the blond surfer dude. Honestly, they looked like two peas in a pod. Perhaps the accentuated each other.

"But-" Spencer was doing his best to stall.

"You have to let him go, Spencer, you do. And this will be the best way to show him, you're letting him go." Noah took Spencer's hand. He knew he must save Spencer before he sank with this sinking ship he called home.

someone to believe in

2011-12-12T01:45:00.046-06:00

"So, is there any blood involved in this?" Declan wanted to know.

"No, not really." Sage was counting her money up from a shoebox under her bed. "They want money though. Like a hundred dollars, when you do the test. Its a testing cost." She told him they'd swab the inside of his mouth.

"For a hundred dollars?" He looked at her wide eyed as if the fee was a bit to swallow.

"Its for a good cause." She looked at him.

He nodded. "OK." He kind of smiled not sure he knew what he was getting into. "Do you have a hundred dollars?" He looked at her as if maybe she didn't have any business doing this.

"I'm twenty dollars short." She frowned.

"Look, you keep your money. I'll pay for it." He was serious.

"Really?" She winced. Sage hung on to her money. "But Gage will need this." She wanted to make sure he saw this through.

"Its OK." Declan was quick to smile. He knew she'd wasted a good portion of the afternoon on her laptop, looking into what had to be done in order to help Gage's niece Angie, or She was on her cell with him. Here Declan was ready to go with her and Gage, who was upstairs watching game shows. He watched Sage bundle up in her black overcoat and slouch hat.

"We're ready?" Gage jumped up as soon as they climbed the stairs. He was at least in his shoes and jeans. He wore an old sweater as if he'd been trying to get warm.

"You're not getting sick are you?" Sage asked.

"No, no, just want to be ready, you know." He nodded as if this was going to be a fun trip so they loaded up in the cold and head down to the city's children hospital which took another good half hours to find a parking space in the parking garage.

It was easy to see, that would cost too, but not nearly much as the simple testing for bone marrow. Declan slipped out his bank card and took care of it for all three of them.

"I'll have to cook you something, really special." Sage thanked him afterwards. "Whats your favorite dish?"

"I dunno." Declan felt as if he were a bit high now from all of Sage's cooing. "Chicken pot pie?" He could only think of the frozen dinner kind he'd grown up on, in the little pie tins. Yes, he had money, but he never spent it. His grandmother might have been a businesswoman with her Mary Kay, but in his family, no one really spent much money, unless they really needed to.

"Well, OK, chicken pot pie." Sage grinned as she placed her hand in his as they strolled along the hospital halls. Finally, they found Angie's room. She wasn't alone. Her father was there with her. Soon Sage, as well as Gage were making over the bald headed toddler with the intense blue eyes.

Declan only smiled. He liked watching Sage with the baby. She was good with Angie. He on the other hand, had never actually been this close to one, and he had no idea what to do.

dusty habits on the shelf

2011-12-10T01:22:00.039-06:00

"I'll take the test with you, so you won't be alone." Sage understood why she needed to go with Gage. She knew he was afraid. Perhaps he didn't trust his brother Manny.

"You would?" Gage winced with a smile.

Sage nodded as she poured his soup in his favorite bowl. It was good to still see him so innocent and a part of her wished she could be just like him, but she needed to watch out for him.

"Manny, needs your help." Sage was sure it was the right thing to do. It wasn't like he'd have to go back to Boston with him. It was something that could be done right at the hospital.

Besides, she was eager to see Allie's baby. Angie wasn't just Manny's little girl. She picked up her cell and dialed Cory's cell. He was at work, but he listened to her tell him what was up with Allie.

"You two need to talk," Sage said. "Gage and I are going in to see if we're a match. Maybe you could be tested?"

"Why are you doing this?" Cory's question shocked her. She couldn't believe it would bother him.

"Because I can. I want to." She winced. Of course, she doubted she'd be a match. Maybe she was doing this for Gage. "Its not that hard. You could do it?"

"But why?" He sounded as if he didn't like the idea.

"I might not be able to help Angie, but maybe someone else. There is this registry you join, and you never know, you might be able to help someone." Sage wished she hadn't even called. She wondered if she'd get the same reaction from Declan. Hopefully, not.

"I should let you go." Sage sighed. She was starting to think she didn't know Cory at all.

an unlikely source

2011-12-08T01:49:00.021-06:00

Gage didn't get why Manny couldn't be completely honest with him.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Gage found himself not really wanting to go anywhere with Manny, even if his plight sadden him so. He'd spent his entire Thanksgiving not knowing that Manny was his brother. But Manny was back at the grocery store, just as Gage was getting off work with Sage. He told him everything, then.

"Its not like I want to take you out of state, you know." Manny sighed. "Angie's at the Children's Hospital."

Gage nodded as if he understood.

"Well?" Gage pushed his curls out of his face. "I want Sage to come with me." She was like family to him. He trusted her, like no one else. After all, she did look out for him, and she had a car.

She promised they'd be at the hospital as soon as they had some lunch. So soon enough, Manny left as if he got what he came for. He gave Gage directions which in turn he gave to Sage for safe keeping.

"I don't know what I did to him?" Gage was a little nervous about the idea of being Angie's only hope. "Why do you think he hates me, so much?" He asked Sage back home while she was warming up his favorite, tomato soup.

"It might not be you at all." Sage told him.

But he couldn't help but let the tears sink in, and as soon as he saw Angie at the hospital, he couldn't help but sink into more tears. He agreed to the test.

At the hospital he met their aunt, who was obviously, the only grandmother Angie knew. Even so Gage knew none of them. He felt a little helpless. Really, the hospital was the last place he wanted to be. The sickening odor made him gasp. But he stood strong. He squeezed Sage's hand. He never wanted to let her go.

not long ago

2011-12-06T01:34:00.027-06:00

Damn, if it wasn't Cory who got the old car running. Declan wasn't at all enthused with Cory as Sage was.

True, she worked most of Thanksgiving on the thing, and Cory drops by with a pie.... wiggles a few things on the engine and it sounded brand new.

Declan watched from a distance. They got along perfectly well. Sage gave Cory a hug. Before he knew it, they were all in the car, and she drove it back to where she lived. Declan sat in the back seat with his arms crossed. He didn't know what to think. Sage was his girl, but they were laughing about something that happened over the summer when they were together.

"Just how together were you two, over the summer?" He had to know, later in her room. Declan wasn't going anywhere.

"He's just a friend." She patted down a place next to her. "We worked together."

"So is ..is he like a work husband?" Declan squinted.

"A work husband?" Then she laughed as if that was so funny. "No."

"I think he is." Declan nodded.

Sage rolled her eyes.

"God, he's never kissed me." She smiled at him. "If that's what you're asking?"

Declan remained somber as he looked at her, waiting to see if it would happen. He could will it, but he had to let her decide. He wanted it to happen, again. He wanted her to want him.

Finally it was a stare down. The waiting seemed endless, and the room was so cold. He kissed her cheek, and her lips were on his before he knew it. That gave him something to smile about.

just old news

2011-12-04T03:34:00.035-06:00

Todd had a feeling he knew why Ezra might be here. Possibly, it wasn't just a haircut.

"How about a trim?" Todd would barely cut that mop of his that had never had any sort of dye on it. Virgin hair, really, he couldn't wait to get a hold of it.

Ezra sat there staring in the mirror and Todd sprayed his hair down and combed it back. Todd couldn't help but smile. Ezra had a lot of hair, but he could see he liked it in his eyes. Ezra wanted to hide his face.

"There's something I want to ask you." Ezra said ever so quietly.

"Yes?" Todd was doing his best to be professional.

"This brother of yours? Is he?" Ezra looked wide eyed as if he were scared to even want to know.

"Out of the picture. Completely." Todd snipped the dead ends away. "Its really strange, he even got with Sarah in the first place. I mean..if there is anyone who's completely in love with himself, its Craig. I don't even like him, all that much. Kind of a wise ass. Always knows, the answers to everything. Then he goes and gets Sarah in this mess and leaves town. No, Sarah does not need my brother. And I can't see him even wanting to see this baby of his."

Todd hadn't meant to say an ear full. Ezra's pink lips held on to a breath.

"Don't worry so much about him. He's not here. You are, and Sarah couldn't be happier." Todd smiled with approval.

"Huh." Ezra bit his bottom lip as if he was rolling it over in his head. "Its just..I..I don't have a real clue, about her and..Sarah's..well." He squinted hard. "She's out of my league."

"Sarah's gone for all kinds." Todd smiled, thinking it was best to leave out Sarah's ex-girlfriend. If she wanted him to know, she'd tell him. "Just keep coming around. She's gonna need someone there for her. Maybe you'll be her best friend."

"Yeah, maybe." But he sounded sad, as if he wasn't nearly good enough for Sarah.

obviously so

2011-12-02T01:24:00.018-06:00

"OH MY GOD." Lucy eyeballed Sarah, after listening to her go on and on about Ezra. "You are serious, about him."

Sarah was over with a few girly items for Lux. She was afraid Lux might out grow the outfits by Christmas.

"No." Sarah winced hard. She went to dig in the fruit bowl on the counter and found an apple. "We're just friends."

"So you say..but..." Lucy was smiling as if Sarah had it bad for Ezra.

"Look, I'm not going to make anything complicated for him." Sarah informed her.

"Really?" Lucy almost winked when she smiled.

"Yeah, like we're gonna run away and have sex on the beach...all weekend long. Don't think so." Sarah patted her pregnant stomach then.

"It could happen." Lucy smiled as if some people did do things like that, even being pregnant.

Sarah smirked with a lopsided grin. "I would be happy if..if he just made out with me." She felt close to tears. A part of her wanted more than just a friend with Ezra, but he didn't look like the type who'd give in to that sort of things. "He's such an intellectual."

"Oh, I know." Lucy rolled her eyes at that. She went to grab Lux out of her swing. "But if you want, we could all have dinner together."

Sarah nodded as if she would be up for that.

"My Mom could keep Lux." Sarah smiled. "A dinner and a movie. That's what we need."

breaking the code

2011-11-30T01:47:00.044-06:00

It was just an accident meeting Sarah at the Thanksgiving dinner that Ezra planned to nix. Before he knew it, he was squished between Sarah and Nina, and he was terribly under-dressed for the affair.

But here he was now lost in Target with Sarah, shopping for deals. She'd asked him to go shopping on Black Friday.

"But I don't do Black Friday." He told her.

"Who doesn't do Black Friday?" It was a tradition in her family. "Besides, I made it through a stuffy dinner with my so called grandmother who can't stand me...its just, I deserve something fun and exciting now."

She'd talked him into it. He might as well have been wrapped around her finger. She was like the thick icing on the cake. And she was about the best company he'd met in a very long time.

But she was going to have a baby. He couldn't over look that. He didn't want her to over do it, either.

"Maybe, you need juice or something." He said now, thinking she had a load of DVD deals in the cart already. He could at least push the cart for her.

"I'm fine. I haven't had this much fun in ages." She was all smiles, holding on to the latest set of DVDs of Gossip Girl. And she was radiant. He guessed that was part of being pregnant, While he was watching her, some woman pushed her cart ahead and looked back at them.

"Is this your first?" She asked both of them.

Ezra couldn't help but crack into laughter. Did he look like he could be a father?

"Yes, its..its our first." Sarah told her as she eyed Ezra then. He cleared his throat.

"You two are the cutest." The woman told them.

"I'm cute?" Ezra didn't quite believe that as he said it under his breath. He looked at Sarah.

"What?" She winced at him.

He shrugged and moved on. It was not a good idea to start an argument with a pregnant woman.

a lot less noticable

2011-11-28T01:47:00.013-06:00

It was a tight squeeze to sit around the table, but there was food and laughter and Allie went to sit in the livingroom with her food. Cory sat with her. He didn't feel like he was a part of the band or anything now. Sage still wasn't there. He asked if anyone had called her. No one thought too.

He knew he shouldn't be worrying about her, but some one should. Allie was ignoring him, as usual. He was at the point not to even ask anymore, what was the matter. Obviously, she didn't want to talk about it.

Finally, after he finished off a turkey leg, he went outside to call Sage. He guessed he still had her number.

"Where are you?" He left the message on her voice mail. Just as he was ready to turn off his phone, it lit up. Sage was calling back.

"God, am I missing Thanksgiving dinner?" She sounded a tad fretful.

"I think you have. I could fix you a plate." He told her.

"That's OK, I'm not really hungry." She sounded kind of sad.

"Why is that?" He knew how she was. She'd get her mind set on something and forget everything else.

"I finally get a car, I think it should be working and its still being a bitch. Why does everything work this way for me?" She sighed.

"Where are you?" He said he'd take a look at it. She told him to come on down. He grabbed one of the extra chocolate pies before he left. He remembered how she felt about chocolate.

Before you know it

2011-11-26T01:46:00.031-06:00

Well, the stove was still cold. No Sage about. Finally, Spencer turned on the oven about five and had things warming in the oven. He was a little stressed. Why had he said he'd have dinner here? There wasn't enough room for everybody. And there was the idea that he'd have nothing for Noah to eat. He was vegan.

Spencer paced around. What was he suppose to do? The doorbell rang, and Gage came out of nowhere and beat him to the door. Here he was acting like a kid again. He didn't even have on a shirt. Spencer looked at him as if he were mental, but gage kept smiling and opened the door.

"Its for me." Gage grinned. "I have a date too."

There was a stranger at the door. It was a guy too. Spencer swelled a frown. This blond was attractive too. What was going on?

"See, Manny had no where to go on Thanksgiving. You know, kind of Mary and Joseph on Christmas, but its Thanksgiving." Gage sighed innocently enough and shook Manny's hand. Of course, Manny looked about as confused as Spencer.

"Go put a shirt on." Spencer winced.

"Does it have to be longed sleeved?" Gage asked.

"Its Thanksgiving dinner. Wear something nice." He told him then.

"It could still be nice, without it being long sleeved? Right?" Gage winced.

"Whatever." He shooed Gage to get dressed. Spencer looked Manny over. "How did you meet Gage?"

"Grocery store." Manny was being mysterious. About then the others started arriving. Todd and Lucy and Casey even drove up with Sarah and Nina before he could close the door. Benny came in the back way with all sorts of pies from Village Inn.

"Don't suppose you'd have one in their for a vegan?" Spencer was getting as hyper as Gage who was going around putting name tags on everyone.

The doorbell rang again, but it was Allie and Cory. He turned around and saw Ezra come up from the basement. He was just in a wife beater and flannel pants. It was as if he was sneaking in for a snack just to hide in the basement again.

Here Spencer was left on his own to serve Thanksgiving dinner, and nothing for a vegan. He grabbed a bottle of wine then. At least Noah could have that.

a ways to go

2011-11-24T01:45:00.061-06:00

So much for sleeping in on Thanksgiving, Sage was up by seven as if she'd overslept. Of course, Spencer hadn't picked up the turkey dinner like he said he would. Somehow they'd managed home with it. She was getting a little pissed with Spencer. It was as if he was avoiding the holiday.

She made coffee and thought about scrambling eggs, but she was the only one up. And when someone tapped on the back door, Sage about lost her hot coffee all over her. There was Declan staring at her.

"What are you doing here?" She'd laid down the law to him about how she didn't want see him if he didn't start talking to her. Of course, that was the last she'd seen of him. Practically. He was keeping his distance now. Speaking to no one, in fact.

"I wanted to show you something." He was a bit mysterious. Sage sighed, wanting to stay with her coffee, but she pulled on her warm boots over her leggins and put on a heavy coat and slouchy hat.

"Lets get this over with." She followed him. It was funny thinking he was some other guy on Halloween night. Now it was daylight and he was his shy self. Was she asking too much of him? She wanted him to talk, but instead he walked ahead in silence.

The sun shined in their faces, but it was still cold. She wished she'd remembered her gloves.

"How did you even know I was up?" She asked as they crossed the street and walked through the neighborhood.

"Just did." He looked back at her and finally took her hand. This couldn't be good, she thought. Her luck he'd want to make-out right here. And a part of her liked the idea, but she knew it was wrong. It was. If they couldn't communicate, then it was best just to be alone. But she couldn't say that to him. It was Thanksgiving.

"OK, I waited for you to get up." He finally confessed.

Sage winced thinking he might be a stalker. Was he? She'd hate to ask.

Finally, three blocks later, they were in front of a very old house. It looked pretty beat up and the yard was a mess. There was a detached garage next to it. He opened the garage door.

"Its my grandma's Mary Kay car." It was pink. "She doesn't drive anymore. Do you want it?"

"YES." How could she not want the old Camero. Sage was stunned. "I-I don't know what to say?" She hugged him.

"Well, its been here a very long time. My dad kind of pulled the plug on Granny's driving. I dunno what he did to it. But-but if you can fix it, its yours." He smiled as if he was glad she was pleased.

Thanksgiving dinner could wait, she wanted to look under the hood. She wanted to drive this baby. Sage kissed him. It was OK if he were shy. He was here. So was the car. Sage pushed her fingers through his locks of hair. She couldn't ever remember being this excited.

a freak of nature

2011-11-22T01:44:00.058-06:00

Manny knew it was a lot to ask. Allie looked completely ill when she saw him.

Their was bad blood between them. Of course, he knew he was pretty much a prick back then. He was young and thought he knew who he needed to be. When Allie needed help, he wasn't exactly the giving sort. But he was trouble then. Even three years younger than her. Why in the world did he get in this mess with a fat girl, anyway? He just wanted to leave it all behind. And he did.

Even so, being in a new town. New relatives. New path to follow, he'd turned around and done good. He guessed. But it was his aunt's help that he got Angie back, anyway. He really would have been OK if the family who said they would raise her did so. But it didn't happen that way. When his aunt found out she was back in foster care, she made it a goal that he'd get her back. And he had. They were a family now. They lived back East. Manny was going to college and working at a hospital. It was all good. He really didn't want anything from Allie, but Angie was ill and the baby might need Allie now. He was looking to see if by chance Allie could help find someone in her family that might help with a bone marrow transplant.

If he could do it himself, he would.

"But I need your help." He knew Angie had a sibling. Allie had a five year old that lived with Allie's mother. Allie of course, was none so happy to discuss any of this with him when they met at the diner. He hadn't pressed her, anymore. He knew to go quietly. After all, there was one more option he had. There was his brother, but then again, Manny had never been all that nice to him, either.

Now he listened his brother talk, one isle over at the grocery story. He seemed different now. Manny wasn't quite sure what it was.

"Look, Declan, if you want to really win Sage over, find her a car." His brother still had a head full of massive curls. Possibly, too pretty for his own good.

"A car? I have to find her a car?" His co-worker didn't look like he could even buy a car. He looked liked Crispin Glover's little brother.

"It doesn't have to be brand new." His brother shrugged. "It doesn't even have to work. Sage can fix things."

"Well." The goofy kid looked serious enough. "I..I could try."

A part of Manny thought they might both be nuts. Was that what became of his brother? Manny was sure if his brother saw him, he'd have nothing to do with him, after all he'd put him through. Manny didn't want to admit what a homophob he'd been. He was just as well a bully. And he was sure that's what Gage would see as soon as he saw him.

trying to be festive

2011-11-20T01:44:00.044-06:00

Spencer was torn. Yes, he could see himself with Noah. But then that would be turning his back on Gage. It would have been so easy. He possibly lived with a houseful of lunatics. Still, he wasn't sure how it happened. And he didn't know what to do about it.

He knew what Keith would do. He'd tell them they needed to go. And just move on. Move on with Noah.

It just wouldn't be right. Of course, Keith invited he and Noah over for Thanksgiving. Spencer told Keith he'd have to be home. For all he knew they might burn down the house, but Sage was dependable and it wouldn't look right if he wasn't there.

"Why don't you all come to my house?" Spencer asked. Noah was going to have to meet Gage, sooner or later. Of course, Keith didn't look at all fond of that.

"We're having the band over. Sarah's coming." He guessed. It wouldn't be until the evening, anyway. "It'll be great." Although Spencer felt he might have been faking a smile. Actually, he hadn't asked any of them what they were doing for Thanksgiving at home.

"I thought we'd just order from the deli." Sage shrugged when he got home and asked about Thanksgiving. No way was Sage up for cooking. "I plan to sleep in."

"We can get a really good discount if we buy the whole dinner." Gage said as if he was a recording of some kind, but he broadcasted it with an intent smile.

"Whatever." Spencer just wondered who was picking up the tab for all this.

"We'll chip in." Sage told him. "I'll even bring it home."

"I can pick it up." He knew it would be a lot to carry on a long walk home.

"Sure." Sage nodded as if it wasn't a big deal. She didn't ask anymore from him.

"Look, I'm..I'm bringing a date." Spencer cleared his throat.

"Oh." Gage looked at Sage as if he needed a date too. "Well..uh, Sage is bringing someone."

She winced then. She shook her head, no. Gage grabbed her by the shoulders. "Come on, when are we gonna meet him? We want to meet him. And you know, you want too."

"More the merrier." Spencer tried his best to sound chipper, but he felt a little sad that Gage didn't ask him about his date.

possibly bright eyed

2011-11-18T01:43:00.072-06:00

"OK, do you want to tell me... what's going on?" Sage set Gage's steaming hot tomato soup in front of him and then a BLT beside it.

He looked up at her, thinking she was the only one who really knew what he liked. She sat down with her supper, too at the kitchen table. No, Ezra tonight. He was working.

Gage spooned his soup. It was too hot.

"About what?" He dipped a saltine in the soup and ate it.

"Please, you are not stupid nor dumb. Don't play that game with me. You were not on anything at that concert, either. What has gotten in to you?" She winced.

"It was..was better than acting like I shouldn't be there." His throat was parched. He didn't get it. He didn't think he was catching the flu. Although, there were a lot of coughs at work.

"You went to sleep at Lucy and Todd's. In their bed." She was not going to shut up. He let out a sigh, drank at the cold milk as if he knew it was a stupid thing to do. He couldn't explain it, but he couldn't bite into the BLT, either.

"I-I wanted to remember being there," he said. "I think I forgot." He bit his bottom lip then. But he thought of Lucy. And it was kind of a shock that he did remember exactly what it was that he didn't want to forget. "Its just, I really am..I am afraid I'll forget this too and..and I really don't want to."

Sage nodded as his she understood. She grabbed his hand. "Look, you are reading. You read the OUTSIDERS, and you loved it. Its not like your reading chapter books. You started Eragon."

"Its so long." He shook his head, thinking that was too much.

"But its worth it." She told him. "You can read. There is so much you've got going. And who knows, maybe you'll be driving."

"But I didn't drive before." He'd been told. "I can't even afford a car." He took another saltine and dipped it in his soup. He loved the crackers crunchy in tomato soup.

"Tell me about it." Sage let go of his hand. She said she wished they could find something before winter set in.

Gage nodded as she talked about fixing cars. She sounded as if it might be as good as having sex. Immediately, he thought of Lucy, again. He blinked, trying not to think it. He kept watching Sage's mouth move.

"What if I -I never have that feeling with anyone..like..like I did with Lucy?" He wished he liked cars like Sage did.

"Stop thinking about it." She was done with her sandwich and soup. "Look, you need to be in love, or its not as great as it could be."

"You're making it awful complicated." Besides, it didn't look that complicated when she was with Declan at the concert.

"Maybe I am." She went to wash her dishes. "But you have to know its the right thing to do. You have to make a commitment, other wise.."

"Other wise what?" Gage squinted.

"Well, some day you'll wish it was important to you." Sage shrugged.

"Important?" He really hoped he didn't forget this.

"Look, you can get a lot of diseases if you're with the wrong person. Then there is the chemistry, to think about, values. You don't want to rush into anything." Her dishes clanked in the sink. The intense sound gave him a shiver. The way she talked..it sounded as if he'd have to enroll in some sort of school for romance.

"Things looked pretty fast with you and Declan." Gage smiled as he finally got around to eating his sandwich.

Sage had nothing to say to that. She rinsed the dishes and went to check on some clothes in the wash.

As Gage crunched away on the toast and bacon, he thought of someone that wasn't Lucy. It was that guy at the concert who kept watching Allie. Gage knew he was suppose to know him. If only he could see him, again.

the evolution of happiness

2011-11-16T01:42:00.026-06:00

"Look, if Noah asked you out, you should go." Keith cheered Spencer on. He wouldn't want to live in a house full of weirdos, either. "And if things are going in the direction you seem to think they are going. Then move in with him."

Spencer was still skeptical of the idea. He'd sort of wished Noah would have come to the Halloween Bash, but then, Spencer didn't ask him.

"Its..just..too soon." Spencer shook his head. "I want to be with him. Noah's smart and a really amazing artist."

"So what's the problem?" Keith smirked. "You two deserve some time together." As it was, they were waiting for Noah. Benny was busy with dinner. It was perhaps..meet the boyfriend..dinner. Keith had the place looking photo ready, and Benny was getting the potatoes ready to mash. It was going to be a nice sit down dinner. Keith really wanted to know Noah. Keith hoped he was as great as Spencer said he was. There would be no mention of that story of finding Gage in Todd and Lucy's bed. Seriously, Keith wanted Spencer to get away from Gage as soon as possible.

The doorbell rang right at six. Benny had just finished mashing the potatoes. Already, Noah was a winner in Keith's book.

once their was a boy

2011-11-14T01:20:00.037-06:00

"Are you out of your mind?" Casey looked at Sarah as if it must have been a hormone thing with her. Loosing track of time, and going out with strangers.

"Ezra's hardly a stranger." She told him as they got ready to go over to her grandmother's house.

"He's kind of a nut." Casey assured her telling her what he'd witnessed on Halloween night at Todd's. "Its not pretty and you really don't need that kind of thing right now. Stay away from him."

"Please." Sarah rolled her eyes and she buckled herself in. "You are one to talk. How long did you know Nina before you two got hitched? Look, he's just a friend. And..and I always wanted to know him. He's so smart."

"He's not that smart, why would he be here? Hmmm?" He looked at Sarah's directions to get there, but then he looked at Sarah and he thought she might be swooning over someone. "Are you kidding me? You have a crush on this crazy guy." Casey shook his head.

"OK, maybe a little. But not now. Its... you know, this is a chance to, just, catch up." Sarah sighed. "I have nothing better to do."

Casey didn't want to bring up Craig. He looked at Sarah's pregnant self and thought she'd gotten bigger since last week. At least she had her parents. Hopefully, she remembered that.

Soon enough they were on the lane where her grandmother lived. The houses just got more expensive at every turn. So if his so called Dad that he shared a last name with was so rich, why did he ever join the Army?

Finally, they parked in the elegant driveway, and rang the doorbell. He was kind of scared. Not sure what to expect. But soon enough he met Emily, who hugged him like a long lost pup. Then she looked him over as if her investment hadn't quite paid off.

"What did your mother do with all the money I sent her?" She wanted to know.

"What money?" Casey was caught off guard wondering if he owed her now.

"I'm a fool. I should have known she would have spent it on herself." She was uneasy as she spoke of his mother.

Casey didn't know what to say.

"I had plans to take you away from her. Early on, but my husband wouldn't hear of it." She hugged him again. He knew he was like family to her even if it wasn't so. He looked at Sarah. She was family too. Always would be.

"Lets not worry about that now." He found himself inviting her to Thanksgiving. Only he didn't know exactly where dinner would be.

over dinner

2011-11-12T01:27:00.047-06:00

Ezra didn't know Sarah would mean 'catching up' instantly. She was waiting for him when he got off his shift. It was startling. He really wasn't much on class reunions or anything actually school related.

He'd been dragging all day, and when she told him she had a craving for egg rolls, he didn't know it would mean a whole meal. Actually, he wasn't sure he could pay for any of it.

"You haven't changed a bit." She told him. He wanted to say the same about her, but evidently, there was something obviously different about her. He just didn't want to point it out.

"I didn't think you'd really remember me." They'd never exactly spoken to each other. There might have been that one time they looked over each others papers because the teacher said so. But that had been small talk and well, he really wasn't thinking that could be the basis of a friendship. "You..you're looking good." He blushed, thinking he really wondered if he should be here with her. What if she were married, and her husband thought...

"I just don't get out much. I know I should. I mean too, but its like I'm still in inmate mode, you know." Sarah told him all about her injustice. How she'd served around three months in prison. "It was so freaky. I was so depressed. Now..now I'm stuck with this." She rubbed her baby bump. "Sorry," Sarah did her best to make light of her plight. "I really don't mean to be a downer. But you, you look..like the Ezra I remember who always knew what you wanted to do. And you went for it."

"Not really." He suffered from some multiple episodes of epilepsy his last semester before he graduated at the music school. He never finished. Nothing was right since. He was even engaged before then, but it was all so much to handle. He really thought this was something he needed to go alone. So he had. It felt good to tell someone this. All the while he was ravished at the moment. It was wonderful to have such a hearty meal of egg drop soup, Kung Pao chicken and egg rolls, and it was good to see Sarah eat everything on her plate too.

"What do I owe you?" Hopefully, he could find some change in his pockets. He really wasn't expecting this.

"No, no, its on me." She promised as she paid for the meal.

"Then, I'll have to treat you, next time." But Ezra could hardly think there would be a next time.

"Where are you staying?" She wanted to know. He told her about Spencer's. And she smiled, telling him what a small world they lived in.

somewhere in the stacks

2011-11-10T01:40:00.046-06:00

Sarah still wasn't sure if she'd talked to her Dad enough. He was being weird. He kept saying how much he adored Casey, but he couldn't tell him that. It would just be silly, according to him.

"You two need to do things. Alone. You can't avoid him. He really needs you." Sarah escaped to the library then because she really didn't want to be there when Casey showed up at the house.

It had been awhile since she'd been there. First she had to check at the desk to see if her card even worked. It did. She had a fine. They'd kept her in the system. She'd returned her Jane Austen books late. That was over two years ago. She could hardly remember why she would need them now.

But what could she read? She went to the mysteries and began to look for Sue Grafton. Wasn't she in the mysteries? Of course, the space was cramped, and she bumped her butt into someone shelving books. Of course, the individual looked a tad dis-shoveled in his ratty sweater and old man pants. His hair fell around his eyes as if it were necessary to hide his soul.

"Sorry." But Sarah kept him in her corner eye view. He looked so familiar. Some one from high school, she guessed. "Didn't you go to some music school?" She asked. She saw his soulful eyes look her way. But he said nothing. He went back to sliding books in place.

"Maybe." He finally muttered.

"You just left. You know, and I-I didn't know what happened." They'd been in school together. "You were in my Junior English class."

He nodded as if he might have been.

"You really haven't changed much." She told him. He was closed mouth though. "Ezra, right?" She smiled. He almost did too. "We should catch up."

never better

2011-11-08T01:31:00.022-06:00

Lucy was not going to let Nina get the best of her. It was nothing to talk about now. No hurt feelings. Perhaps they were on the same team. Maybe Nina really wanted the band to succeed too.

"We made two thousand dollars." Lucy was pleased with the cash in her cigar box. She showed it off to Todd as if they needed to do this every Saturday night.

"I guess that's good." Yet they had to consider how much money they'd put in concessions.

"But they bought our T-shirts." Lucy reminded him.

"Yes, the creepy ones with the skeleton on them." Finally they'd find a time of year to sell the things. He was rather skeptical. She was wishing he'd be more excited.

"Well, if that dreadful thing hadn't had a seizure on the floor, like he did, just think it might have meant more money."

"We really needed to end it sooner, I think." Todd sighed now as he went to check on Lux who was awful quiet in her crib.

Lucy went to watch Todd in Lux's room.

"I really think we're on to something, here." She reached up and whispered in his ear. He faintly smiled. She knew this was no time to bring up Gage, who really wanted to stay the night.

not another headache

2011-11-06T01:09:00.038-05:00

Allie felt as if she'd seen a ghost at the concert. It was nothing to do with what happened to the guy who brought everything to a stand still.

However, her past was there. She'd know him anywhere. She couldn't think why Manny would be there. She hadn't heard from him in ages. She was sure he wouldn't want to hear from her. It was best to leave it alone. Act as if she didn't care. That she hadn't a clue why he'd come to such a little concert at someone beauty shop.

"Are you OK?" Cory poured her another cup of coffee while she slathered cream cheese on a bagel and hoped she'd forget about seeing Manny. What could he freak'n want? She thought, not even giving Cory a glance.

She was mad at Cory, still and giving him the silent treatment. She crunched away on the bagel. A part of her felt so numb. Manny was a life time ago. Why was he back? It wasn't like he wanted anyone to know he even knew her when he was here.

"I'm glad we did the Halloween bash." Cory set down with his creamed coffee to chat. He'd be leaving for work in the next ten minutes or so.

"uh-huh." She could barely give him the time of day now. If he'd never left for that stupid roadtrip, she then thought, she might trust him still. Although, she was happy to see his little girlfriend making out with some random guy.

Allie didn't want to think that she,herself, might just do that if given a chance. Chances seemed so slim now.

"You were really amazing." Cory told her. "You really were." His eyes were on her.

She choked down the bagel and went for the other half then. She didn't even want to listen to him. Manny was on her mind, as well. She bit her tongue on the next bite. It was like an omen telling her to wake up.

Allie put down the bagel and went to the bathroom to see if her tongue was bleeding. Just a little. It donned on Allie why Manny was in town. It must have been about the baby.

the day after

2011-11-04T01:21:00.039-05:00

Sage was torn. She couldn't let Spencer leave Ezra out in the cold. He was like family to her now. Maybe she'd never be nothing more than a little sister to Ezra, but she had to stand up for him. It would just be wrong, otherwise.

It was already past ALL SAINTS DAY, and Ezra slept soundly now in his own room. She couldn't help but think she'd been just awful, nagging him about having a job.

Of course, there was Declan to think about. What had she done? She wanted to blame it on Halloween. They had no business being together. Making out most of the night. Still, she'd never felt like this before. Possibly, it was the fact that no one had ever exactly thought of her as a lover, either. Well, not someone stone cold sober. But there was a silence now as daybreak came.

Maybe Declan was just an illusion of some kind. How could she have faith in someone who never said anything to her, as it was. He was strange, wasn't he? Had he ever said, "Hi, I'm Declan, and I'm so happy to see you.."

OK, maybe he wouldn't talk like that. But that was just it, they hadn't talked. Just kissed. This love or lust she had for Declan was vanishing quick. Maybe it was just as well. She needed to look over Ezra, anyway.

Just when she thought he might be dead to the world, he shot up as if he had somewhere to go. But he squinted hard. He laid back down instantly.

She felt his forehead, see if it was feverish.

"I don't feel so good." He sounded as if he might throw up.

"You do know what happened, don't you?" Sage looked at him as if he'd been in a coma.

"Yeah, guess so." He said his head hurt. Maybe water would help.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She handed him a glass of water.

"Because." His face tensed. "You'd think.." He slightly scowled as if he knew very well what she thought. "Don't look at me like that, OK?"

"You need to be on your meds. You need a doctor." She told him.

"I don't like them. And they would do nothing for me, but..." He shook his head, no.

Now she knew why he didn't drive. Why, he was the outsider.

"But don't you want to be home..so..." Sage started.

He shook his head, no. He acted as if he were a lost cause. Ezra hugged himself, turning from her in a fetal position. Sage wondered if he'd ever get out of bed.

what the good boys do

2011-11-02T01:11:00.019-05:00

Spencer stood there eye-balling Ezra on Todd's couch. He shook his head.

He'd had enough. He didn't ask for this. He hugged himself, thinking this was just crazy. Who was this guy?

"I don't like this." He didn't want to be responsible for some roomie he hardly knew. "It was your idea to take him in." He looked to Sage then who looked as if she might be wearing a guy who looked as if he might be ready to play the hunch back as he had his arms around her.

"Spencer, he's gonna be OK." Sage made it sound like a promise. "It was probably the light." She went into something about Van Gogh the artist and having seizures.

"Oh great, so what's next? Ezra's gonna cut off his ear?" Spencer wasn't waiting around for that. "I don't want him at my house."

"Come on, don't say that." Sage pleaded with him even if she was stuck with this thing she found at the party. "Ezra is gonna be OK. He's working. And..and he's paying you rent." Which of course was something Gage was not doing. Spencer did need the income, actually.

"Gage?" Spencer suddenly thought of him, thinking he was just as much a responsibility as Ezra. Suddenly, it felt as if he'd lost him in the crowd. "Anyone seen Gage?"

"Gage!" Well, he wasn't among them. What if? Spencer felt bad that he hadn't thought of him, until now. He didn't want to lose him. "Gage!" Had he wounder off in Todd and Lucy's flat? He looked down the hall. Maybe he'd gone to the bathroom. No one there. He turned and switched on the bedroom light. There Gage was sleeping in Todd and Lucy's bed.

as the band played on

2011-10-31T01:58:00.034-05:00

Todd couldn't do much but look out at the crowd. He kept playing. His fingers growing numb. He couldn't remember playing the electric guitar this long, ever. But he went with the flow. People were having a good-time, even if Lucy got in a spat with Nina over taking pictures.

Casey scolded Nina and let Lucy do her business. Flashing everyone with her old camera. Sarah was with Lux at her parents. Lucy took care of everything at the door while Keith helped and took care of refreshments. The place was packed. He just hoped it wasn't too many people. Perhaps they should have done this in the parking lot. But it was too late for that now.

Just as it was too late to tell Gage to get off the little stage. He was plenty high on the music or something. He danced around like some performance artist in his own world. Lite on his toes, bumping into Todd when ever he had a chance. Yet, Todd knew to roll with it. As it was, he seemed to be Gage's new best friend.

But they kept on. Allie did sing and it was grand and he was pleased that she'd helped out. Todd looked back out at the crowd which was mainly jumping than anything else. As he looked over the crazy crowd, he saw that guy Sage was with the night before. The tall guy. He was headed toward the stage. Except, he was dancing. Maybe.

Todd squinted hard. Maybe it wasn't really dancing. Ezra twitched, and then was pushing. Shoving. Harder. His body flinched. It was the strangest thing. It was if he'd gone mad. They had to stop the music.

"STOP." Todd scared himself as he spoke into the fat microphone. It was crazy. So crazy. He motioned for the lights to come up. "STOP THE MUSIC." But Ezra didn't stop as he shook. His hair in his face, his mouth. A jerk here. A flinch of the arms.

The crowd gave Ezra room to move as he flinched so until he was in the floor floundering.

Todd pulled off his guitar and got to Ezra.

"Someone, call 911." Todd looked to Lucy.

Ezra shook his head, no. He didn't want an ambulance. He grabbed a hold of Todd's shirt. "It cost." Ezra breathed out the words.

Todd shook his head then. The guys in the band helped Todd get Ezra somewhere quiet. Upstairs.

finding the music

2011-10-29T01:52:00.042-05:00

Sage got to the party early and did her thing with the sound system. Immediately, Todd gave her the thumbs up about the sound. He thanked her and hoped she'd stick around. She promised she would, but she'd stay in the background.

Todd was dressed up like a pirate with a bit of scruffy beard and an eye-patch. Sage hadn't thought of this as a costume party, but soon enough, she knew she stuck out like a sore-thumb in her black T-shirt and old jeans.

The place filled up quick enough at 7 with the underage show. There were plenty of canned drinks, and wrapped candy. Todd went out of his way to make sure the place was within code. No suspicious drinking, just the band playing and kids jumping to the music.

She watched Allie in her Xena costume. She was definitely the iron maiden. Cory wore a skeleton shirt. Spencer was in black. So was Benny. Gage danced around as if he might be on something, but he was on stage as sort of a back up singer, only he mouthed the words. Everyone started playing songs that people expected to hear. As long as the music pulsed through your body, what else mattered?

Sage looked around as the lights lowered and a disco ball turned. She wondered if Ezra would even make it. He said he was tired after his shift at the library. Not that she'd ordered him to do anything. She felt awkward about last night.

There was really nothing going on between them. There was just something off about him. She couldn't be sure, but she knew once he woke up, got his act together..she'd be history. So it was good ..nothing happened. Just sleep. Sage was beginning to think she attracted weird guys.

She kept staring at Cory who was possibly the only normal guy she knew. She wished things had been different. She'd had her chance with him when they were on the road. Why hadn't she taken it? If only she would just take more chances. Sage felt so sad. It was hard to enjoy the party.

The band started playing PLANET CLARE. Spencer was making the song so creepy on the keyboard. Sage couldn't help but smile. As the music got stronger in the intro, someone grabbed her hand. He didn't even ask if she wanted to dance. Before Sage could blink she was on the dance floor.

Sage was in awe, she had no idea that Declan even knew how to dance. Declan from the grocery store who never spoke. But his little smile would hold her attention, ever so often. Now they were dancing, and he was so amazing. Short, but she was shorter..and it was like she'd found the perfect fit.

His eyes such a shocking blue, a little ominous yet sincere. She couldn't stop watching him as she moved with him. He was fast but she kept up. Yet, he wasn't letting go, either. Before she knew it, they were kissing. No one had ever done that before. Just slipped in, intoxicating and...incredible. Sage kissed him back. It was the best Halloween bash ever.

calling the shots

2011-10-27T01:55:00.053-05:00

"Can you just tell me..." Ezra gritted hard. "What is going on with you?" Sage was really different around people than when they were alone. He was beginning to think he only brought out the worst in her.

"Nothing." She winced back as if she'd never laughed when everyone was over. She was getting his bed made up. It was so cold in the livingroom now. A freeze came. It was warmer in the basement, only he'd be in a little room. Pitch black. Must have been a closet, he imagined. He didn't want to be this alone.

"No, no..you were someone else." He kept staring at her.

"I wasn't trying to be anything." She went back to her room. Ezra leaned in her doorway, hoping neither of them would fall asleep. He didn't like going to sleep.

"Yes. I think you were. And it was to someone's benefit... that was not mine." He planned to make an issue of it. He squinted in thought. Scratched the back of his head as if he'd get to the bottom of this. "You're using me!" He was shocked. How did he not know? He hugged himself tight. She was an imp of some sort. He was sure of it.

"No, I'm not." She scowled slightly. "Just go to bed, will you?" She looked hurt that he'd think such of her.

"Someone in the band, isn't it? The blonde who's with the blonde? Is that it?" He festered a squint, shook his head, no.

"It doesn't matter. Will you just go to bed." She turned and pulled back the covers to her own bed.

"No." He shook his head. He really wanted to keep talking as he ambled around her space, noticing she had a chest of drawers. Even an old bookcase. She'd settled in for the long haul. It looked to Ezra.

"I'm tired." She sighed.

"Who's fault is that?" He glared back at her.

"Yours." She pulled off her shoes and climbed right under the covers in her dark leggings and oversized T-shirt that swallowed her thin body.

He was in her room now, looking at her things. It wasn't much, but she had a couple of old Mp3 players, a clock. A key necklace and some feather earrings tucked away on the bookshelf.

"Where did you get these?" He felt the soft peacock ends.

"Indian reservation." She yawned.

He sat down on her bed, almost on her feet.

"You've been to a lot of places." He looked at her. "Someone as little and young as you, has been everywhere."

"No, I haven't." She'd never been to Europe.

"You've been more places than I have." He felt sad. It wasn't going to get any better. "Now you're making me sleep in a closet." He turned away and hugged himself in a pout.

"Its not a closet." She told him.

"There are spiders." He looked at her as if she were trying to kill him.

"Get in." She scooched closer to the wall. Ezra peeled off his old sneakers, jeans too, but left on his sweater and cotton boxers. He snapped off the light. It wasn't that warm in the basement, but Sage already warmed the bed. Just what he needed for sleep.

off we go

2011-10-25T01:11:00.028-05:00

"Honestly, I dunno, if I'll be much help." Casey looked tired, and was the last one there. He really wasn't excited about this. Halloween. Any of the holidays. He was beginning to think.

He was suppose to be excited about all of it. New beginnings with his real Dad. But what had he been doing? Digging the leaves out of the gutter at Sarah's parents house. They were still her parents. And his Dad hadn't exactly been the welcome wagon.

Of course, he'd listen to Sarah talk about his supposed Grandmother, how she still wanted to see him. He could imagine her wanting him to clean her gutters too. That seemed to be all he was good for.

"I'm going to have a talk with him." Sarah informed Casey about the Dad they shared.

"No, you don't have to." A part of Casey felt so out of it. Maybe he didn't want to feel anymore like a son than this man who evidently didn't want to be a father to him. But she insisted. And he'd left to come to this awkward ordeal for the band.

He'd never imagined Todd taking the lead, but he liked it.

"Its a good move." Casey gave him the thumbs up.

"We haven't even sang a whole song yet." Todd reminded him. "We can't even get Allie down here to help."

"All right, I'll see what I can do." He trotted upstairs to see her all alone with the chips. The dip was devoured.

"So you don't like Todd taking over, is that it?" Casey wanted to know.

She gave him a soured look and bit into a chip.

"We kind of need this. You have fans, you know." Of course, he didn't know who he could mentioned. "Nina..Nina loves your voice." He didn't know if that was exactly true, but he thought he heard her mention it once. "Or should I see if Nina can do a good imitation of you?"

She put down the chips, gave him a perturbed look, but it got her downstairs. He hoped she'd sing.

not gonna let you down

2011-10-23T01:05:00.002-05:00

"See, this is why I can't do it!" Cory fumed to Todd once they got to the basement for a jam session, with the Halloween Bash in mind.

It was all Allie's doing. She didn't want to be in the same room with Sage. Of course, he noticed Sage wasn't alone. She's obviously moved on, the way she was chatting with this so called pretty loser. He imagined. Which he didn't like one little bit. But what could he do about it?

Todd was walking around with his electric guitar strapped to him, ready to play, trying to get everyone situated.

"Allie, you know we need you!" He shouted from the basement. "You know, you want to! You have to! At least one set of songs!"

Cory didn't want to admit it, but Todd was possibly their fierce leader now. He was congenial enough. As it was Allie was still upstairs in the kitchen eating guacamole with Gage. She was being temperamental.

"Well, I could go." Sage shrugged. "I don't have to be here."

"Yes, you do, you know sound." Todd told her.

"I could do it, that night. Its not a big deal." She winced as if she did this all the time.

Todd told Cory he needed for him to play bass. He reluctantly, went to pick up the guitar. Finally, they played a riff or two that wasn't half bad. The music got louder as Benny joined in on the drums.

"We need more people!" Todd shouted. Still no Allie, but Gage ran down the stairs and plopped himself in the middle of it, with a big smile, as if he might be high.

"All righty, then." Todd made light of it as he continued to play.

Cory kept playing, as well. Of course, he couldn't take his eyes off Sage. He missed her. He didn't know how much, until now.

unlocking the future

2011-10-21T01:52:00.034-05:00

Lucy was quite sure she could have cried Todd a river, and it wouldn't do a thing for either of them.

"I just want you to trust me." How many times could she say it. "You really can. Really, you can."

But she might as well have been a ghost trapped in another dimension. He wasn't listening, nor forgiving. It felt like long ago. When they were pals and he'd drive her to school, do each other's hair, have fun painting each other's nails.

It was just different now.

She waited for Todd to make a few phone calls in the other room. She hugged herself remembering how all her so-called girlfriends at school used to call him her big gay brother. Of course, listening to them say such crap made her mad. She hated them all.

Half the time, people still asked her at the grocery store how that brother of hers was doing. Lucy would get testy and tell them she didn't have a brother. Is that what people really thought? She didn't care if they thought she was crazy or wouldn't amount to anything, but she didn't want anyone thinking he was her brother. He was her husband.

"Cory can't do it and I have my doubts about Allie." Todd sighed when he came back to Lucy, and her shoebox of pictures.

"We'll think of something." Lucy was determined to do this, but she was just determined to do something for them as well. "I want our family portrait. The three of us."

"Lucy, you know we don't really have the time and money for it." Todd was serious.

"Well, then I'll take the photos." She had her old 35 millimeter camera. She could make the extra bathroom a darkroom. It had been awhile, but she loved making photography old school. Not this digital crap.

that time of year, again

2011-10-19T01:43:00.027-05:00

Todd was trying to find ways to get back to where he and Lucy were suppose to be. But it was like taking a bad medicine that drained him, even if he knew he should expect everything to be fine.

He found some snapshots in Lucy's things. Pictures of the two of them before he ever imagined he'd be with Lucy, like this. They were once... friends.

"I should frame this one." Lucy smiled going through the box of pictures with him.

"I'm in dredlocks. I don't think so." Yes, it was a picture, quite silly indeed. He always did make a lot of faces when Lucy took photos of him.

"But its so funny." She laughed. Todd couldn't. There wasn't much funny, anymore. He remained even lipped, thinking of the shop. Things that needed to be done.

She dug deeper into the shoe box and saw the photos from a past Halloween.

"We should have a Halloween bash." She shrugged.

Todd winced, not knowing if that was a good idea.

"Come on, last time was great." She reminded him, giving him a squeeze on the shoulder as he turned from her. "The band played. It was stealer. People, would love it."

"I dunno." Todd wasn't sure he was up to it. "I dunno if the band is even together."

"You know you want too." Her toothy grin was infectious.

"All right." He sighed. He'd have to make a few phone calls. Perhaps this could be an enterprising event if they charged five bucks at the door.

here and back again

2011-10-17T01:42:00.022-05:00

Sarah promised Casey she'd try to be Nina's friend, but as it was, they had to do everything...Nina's way.

Like meeting her grandmother.

"I really don't think Casey should be there." Nina informed Sarah. "It might confuse her."

"But its Casey who she's wanted to see." Sarah wouldn't go if Casey didn't come along too.

"What, do you not ..UNDERSTAND?" Nina was beginning to get on Sarah's nerves. A part of her wished she would have just gone..alone..for this trip. But as it was Nina knew Imogen.

Sarah guessed Nina new best since she was driving them over.

"So what did you say to her, when you called?" Sarah wanted to know.

"I just told her we were coming." Nina fluttered her lashes and pursed her lips as if it were Nina that Imogen really wanted to see.

"You said WE? She's expecting Casey." Sarah snapped with a huff.

"It doesn't matter." Nina told her.

Soon enough they were at the beautiful home. It was amazingly manicured. Sarah hadn't expected the old woman to be this rich.

"Where's Casey?" The old woman looked at them both as if she might call the police.

Leave it to Nina to explain all. Of course, Sarah could see Imogen didn't exactly trust her.

"I'm really sorry for the mix-up, but if its in consolation, Casey's been like a brother to me." Sarah told her. Finally, Imogen got a good look at Sarah. They came inside and she listened to Sarah tell her about her mother and Casey's mother.

Just as she finished up with the explanation and how she was eager to see pictures of her real father, Imogene said. "I still want to see Casey."

in a pinch

2011-10-15T01:41:00.023-05:00

"What are you really trying to do to me?" Ezra eyeballed Sage when she showed him the application on her trusty little netbook.

"I want you to fill it out." She eyeballed him right back.

As it was she'd talked the manager into letting Ezra work at the grocery store, unloading canned goods in the morning, which still left plenty of time to shelve books in the afternoon. She had him working, everyday.

"You just don't get me." He told her as he looked over the application she wanted him to fill out. One for getting a shelving position at the library.

"Believe me, I do." She begged to differ.

He wanted to groan, but didn't. She was quite impossible. "Don't you see, I..I enjoy my freedom."

"Oh, really..as in free loader?" She went to get a load of laundry out of the washer to put in the dryer while he studied the application at the kitchen table.

"Why do you care?" He winced as if she was asking too much of him.

"Because, if you are going to be here, you have to pay Spencer rent." She shrugged.

"Well, its not like he's said anything about cash, you know." He looked back at her in the little wash room next to the back door.

"Its the principle." She told him. "You are well, and able bodied. You can help out."

He looked back at the application on the screen and started typing. He winced hard. The keyboard wasn't the size he was used to.

"This is impossible." He snarled. As it was he was tired. His back hurt. "You're making me too old, before my time."

"You're just a little rusty." She assured him about the keyboard. "Quit complaining. You need to use that brain of yours."

He typed with two fingers then. It was more comfortable that way. But he still fretted. She couldn't make him be happy about this. Ezra couldn't imagine having two jobs. Having one was hard enough.

repeating the connection

2011-10-13T01:41:00.022-05:00

Lucy could smell it as soon as she walked through the door. Spencer had been here. The place was immaculate. Just the way he was when it came to organization and household cleaning products. He was the king of domestic life.

"How could you?" She snarled at Todd. Immediately, she wanted to tear up the place. "This your way of getting back at me. Having Spencer over?"

"What?" Todd shook his head, no. "No. He found out about you and Gage. You hurt a lot people. You should know that, Lucy. I got the brunt of it, as it was. He's not very happy with me."

Lucy gritted. It felt like a long road back to nowhere. She hugged herself. She wanted to be happy to be here. But it was hard not to be mad even if she knew she had no right to be.

"Where's the baby?" Did he intend to keep Lux away from her.

"She's with Sarah's family." Todd reminded her again. "I thought you might need some time, You know, just the two of us. Sort it out."

Lucy's face tensed. She didn't want to talk. All she needed was Lux, the rest would have to work itself out.

connecting the generator

2011-10-11T01:39:00.013-05:00

"Where is he?" Sage didn't find any comfort in the fact that Spencer didn't come home last night. Not even a text or a phone call. She'd let Ezra stay. He'd slept on the couch. Sage wasn't sure if she liked being left alone with Gage. Sometimes, he could be too much. It was good to have Ezra as a buffer.

"So, when do you go to work?" She brought Ezra coffee. There was a little time to kill before going to the grocery store.

"I volunteer once a week." He thanked her for the coffee.

"Just volunteer? You don't get paid?" She'd always wanted a paycheck.

He shook his head, no. He shelved books for free at the library. "I'm not sure I'm all that good."

"What do you mean? How long have you been there?" She squinted.

"A year or two." He didn't seem all that concerned.

"What? A year or two?" She winced. "If you weren't any good, they would have been done with you." She told him how they were in need of a stock boy down at the grocery store. "Why not get paid?"

"But I'm not sure I'm any good." Again, he sounded pessimistic.

"You sure its not a commitment issue, you're afraid of?" She told him to get ready. "If you're going to be staying around here, I want you to do something..instead..instead of talk all day about what we could be doing." Sage was pretty sure she was looking at the biggest procrastinator in the world.

like a sad goodbye

2011-10-09T01:38:00.033-05:00

"WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME!" Spencer's voice carried. It woke the baby.

Todd wasn't sure which to get to first. He picked up Lux to comfort her. Spencer wouldn't shut up. Finally, he got the door. It was 2 in the morning.

"What is wrong with you?" Todd winced.

"You knew! You knew what she did!" Spencer was freaking out. "You could have told me about Lucy and Gage!"

"Can you not yell about it?" Todd told him. He went to get Lux a bottle. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell you. What good would it have done?"

"It would have told me, Gage isn't gay, anymore." Spencer was angry.

"You don't know that, for sure." Todd looked Spencer over. He was a mess. Maybe he'd been drinking, but Todd knew Spence was too smart for that. Todd felt sad for him. As it was, he knew he'd done the most rotten thing to Spencer from the past. It was hard to believe they'd been more than friends, now. "Maybe, he just needed the experience." Todd knew how calloused that sounded. "I wanted to tell you. It was just, it was so hard to know what to say. Its a lot for me to deal with, too. I dunno how I feel about Lucy, exactly. But I know I have to be here. She's the mother of my child." Todd could barely breathe as it was. Spencer wasn't the only one hurting. "What can I say? You have to let him go. Maybe..maybe he'll come back to you."

But he wasn't so sure he believed that about Lucy. He went to give Lux her bottle. He told Spencer he could sleep the night on the couch. Todd went to the rocking chair in the baby's room. This was Lux's favorite place, and it was beginning to be Todd's favorite place too.

a loose thread

2011-10-07T01:38:00.032-05:00

"Spence, maybe its time you moved on." Keith didn't mean to sound indifferent about Gage, but he thought he'd gone way above the call of duty with this guy.

"Oh, sure, you'd say that." Spencer was about to have a melt down in the middle of their livingroom as he paced about talking about Noah in one breath and Gage in the next. "What would you do if..if something ..if Benny lost his memories, would you just..just toss him to the curb?"

"No." Keith squinted hard. He looked at Benny who gave him a sly look. "What I mean..is, you have to do what's gonna make you happy too. You know, Gage, wouldn't want you to be miserable. I think you should go out with Noah. At least, once." After all, Noah did ask him out for coffee. "Its just coffee, for God's sake."

"I wish I knew what to do." Spencer was in tears.

"Look, what if Gage is up to being with someone." Benny spoke up.

"He's not. He can't. I have to be there for him." Spencer shook his head, no.

"Hey, he's already messed around with Lucy." Benny shrugged.

"WHAT?" Spencer winced hard as he gritted in disgust.

"Sorry. I thought you knew." Benny was a bit stoic.

Keith looked over at Benny with a How could you look.

"Did you know?" Spencer glared at Keith.

"No." And he didn't. It was the first he'd heard this. "How could you?" He turned to Benny then and grabbed both of his arms. "I thought you told me everything."

"Sarah told me." Benny winced.

"Sarah? How did she find out?" Spencer wouldn't let it go.

Keith let go of Benny and turned back to Spencer. "See, its time for you to give up any thoughts that Gage is gonna be the same guy you think he is. He's not. Its time to stop carrying a torch for someone who never knew you, in the first place."

Spencer set down on the couch and began to sob. He hated to see his little brother this way. Keith put his arm around Spencer. "Hey, at least you got it out of the way with Noah. You told him everything about Gage, and he still wants to go out with you. Look, on the bright side, he likes you, Spence."

the comforts of home

2011-10-05T01:37:00.042-05:00

"Who was that?" Ezra scrunched a frown as he listened to Spencer leave. It was all so comfy here. Ezra hadn't felt this in a very long time. It was all so clinical in the outside world. But here. This was home.

So what if Gage would not shut up. He made Ezra smile. He was a laugh. Truly. Spencer must have been Gage's brother, thought Ezra.

"See, I know some shit, about your boyfriend." Ezra went to see what was up with Sage in the kitchen. She was so good at ignoring him. He liked that about her. Perhaps he was here only to annoy her.

"I don't have a boyfriend." Sage clarified as she put some thin spaghetti in a pot of boiling water. He watched her work on some garlic toast and put sliced carrots and celery in a dish.

"Whatever, that..that Gage fellow got it on with some girl down at the psychic ward." Ezra bit his bottom lip to keep from grinning too much. "She thought, she'd get the same from me, but seriously. she was really a bit thick in the head. Not my kind, at all."

"Look, Gage was in an accident. He doesn't know what he's doing." Sage winced.

"What's he to you?" Ezra wanted to know.

"Someone, I'm trying to keep out of trouble." She told him.

"So you're..you're not really into him, then?" Ezra wanted to get this straight as he licked his dry lips. He sneaked a carrot to bite into.

"More like a big sister." Sage stirred the noodles. Dinner was almost ready.

"A little sister." He smile. He wendt to set the table for her. It was the least he could do. "You want to play chess, after dinner?"

"Depends, if you help me clean up." She didn't smile back at him. It was a first. Maybe she was much more clever than he ever considered until now.

never know where it might end or just begin

2011-10-03T01:36:00.043-05:00

"WHAT IS THIS?" Spencer was not amused by the crowded house when he came home from work. Who were these people?

"Its only one." Sage told him. As it was Ezra was a lump on the couch watching television. Of course, Gage was talking like a mad man, discussing everything on TV to Ezra. Perhaps thats what made it so impossible. He never said that much around Spencer, and it hurt. Nothing would never be like it used to be. It sank low inside him now. Spencer could hardly stand to be here.

He felt as if this wasn't even his home anymore. Next thing he knew he was peeling out of the drive way heading back to the University. Spencer needed to get away. He'd left Sage holding a glass of iced tea for him while meatballs were simmering on the stove. He'd left her to babysit.

Perhaps, it was better to work on a piece of art down at the Art center. Usually, he did his best work at home, but he felt so lost there, nothing seemed possible, there. It was as if everything was going down the drain. Yet, his brain felt so clogged. He wanted to say this was all Sage's fault, but she'd been great with Gage. Maybe he just envied her. Spence felt as if it was all closing in, and he'd stagnate if he were there, any longer.

He got himself settled, ready to fling something on the canvass like a wild man.

"Hey."

Someone broke his chain of thought. Spencer blinked as if a reality check finally clicked. Spencer turned to see someone in dredlocks grinning at him.

"Don't you know you need to make an appointment with me before being here after six in the evening." The lean fellow pursed his lips as he shoved his hands in his old kakis.

"Sorry." Spencer bit his bottom lip. He didn't know. The Art department was still new to him. He'd been distracted, lately. It was as if felt he couldn't exactly immerse himself in what he loved these days.

"I'm just kidding." He chuckled as he offered Spencer a handshake. "I'm Noah."

"Spencer." He smiled back.

"What are you doing here so late?" Noah wanted to know.

"Just needed to get away." Spencer shrugged. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell a stranger all about it, but there was something about Noah's friendly smile that made Spencer want to talk to him.

being friends

2011-10-01T01:35:00.048-05:00

"If we're going to be real friends, that's not what friends do." Sage set Gage on the straight an narrow about coming to her room. "First thing, you have to be a good listener. You have to ask good questions." She was pretty sure he'd never come back to her bed.

Of course, she wouldn't dare put him in the crazy category. He was innocent. Yet, he was like training a puppy. Very obedient, she had to admit. But she was there every step of the way. Work meant he had to do work. He couldn't stand there and be dumb. She didn't mean to tell him this on his first day. "Sorry, just try not to act it, so much."

It wasn't long though, that Sage did wonder if she were with the crazies. It felt like being in a B rated movie, half the time, when she came in at seven in the morning for her shift. Perhaps, folks were just sleep deprived. Of course, she couldn't see donuts helping much. But there they were paying for a dozen donuts and coffee.

Sage was never sure what might give her the heebee-geebees..

Was it Declan who might decide to price her with his price gun. He never said a word to her, but she knew it was him who priced her butt at a $1.99.

And there was Ezra, always around.

He bought gum about once a day. She thought that was all he ate.

"I think he likes you." Gage told her one day while they were eating lunch.

"No, he doesn't. He doesn't even know me." Sage wanted some peace and quiet with the fried chicken leg she could hardly eat. It seemed she'd lost her appetite since losing Cory. What she'd do just to get a glimpse of him, but she wouldn't let herself do anything about it.

"He knows your name." Gage was serious. "And you know his." He sounded as if it were a race about to begin.

"Well, I have a name tag." Sage shrugged wishing her name was Veronica or Michelle. Not Sage. But it was too late to be anyone else.

"And he put his hand out. He shook hands with you. He told you his name was Ezra." Gage remembered.

"Yes, I didn't forget." His hand was warm and moist, but not sweaty. It was an odd encounter. How could she not like him? He was off beat. His lips such a dark pink, And that hair, it kept getting in the way of his astonishing blue eyes. It was best to leave him as a figment of her imagination.

But there he was, hanging outside the grocery store on their walk home a few days later when it was getting cold and damp about.

"Why don't you come home with us?" Gage said ever so brightly.

"Gage, no." She did her best to command it under her breath, but Gage jumped around Ezra with such joy. Perhaps, Gage was out of control. If only she could grab Gage by the ear. Make him suffer, just a little. But there Ezra was, steady as he went. Staring at her, mostly. Following.

more than just a feeling

2011-09-29T09:07:00.000-05:00

Nina really felt like the outsider now. My God, what a confused family, she thought. But she was there for Casey at the roast beef dinner. Sarah's family..aka...Casey's family made all his favorites.

Sarah's Mom told Nina that Casey loved her mashed potatoes. Always had.

"But yours are great." Casey mentioned to Nina as to not let her feel let down. He squeeze her hand. Nina gritted a smile. For a moment she really thought Sarah's Mom might really be Casey's mom. Nina doubted she'd ever meet that woman in Florida who was suppose to be his REAL mom.

She looked at Casey's dad. Was he what Casey would turn into? His wife babied him. It was really a tad disgusting. Nina wasn't going to put that much effort into Casey. And to think that wife of his had cheated on him. Yet, he'd cheated on his wife. It was as complicated as RINGER on the CW. Almost. She still wasn't sure if she'd tune in Tuesday nights. But a faint smile grew, perhaps her life was as interesting as anything on TV, thanks to Casey.

Nina squeezed his hand back. She was ready and willing to be there for Casey.

"Don't you think Sarah should meet her grandmother?" Nina suddenly stopped the conversation. Everyone stared at her as if she wasn't suppose to talk about people that Sarah never met. "Well, she's anxious. She needs to know she has a grand-daughter instead of a grand-son, don't you think?"

Nina was sure she'd find a way to be more than just a guest role in this family. She sighed as if really they needed to listen to her. She had something to say.

coming around

2011-09-27T01:07:00.032-05:00

Casey thought every year, the kids just got meaner at school. Especially, in the BOYS wash room. Here he went to clean up someone's mess. Mono was rampant this year. His luck he'd catch it even if Nina said he couldn't have it twice.

He sanitized the stalls, cleaning those toilets until they looked spanking new. There would be hell to pay if the toilets weren't clean. His dark bangs stuck to his sweaty forehead. He was barely aware of the fumes from the Lysol now.

"Hey." The voice almost made Casey jump as he turned from the stall to see Sarah and her Dad staring at him. "Why won't you return any of my calls?" It was after school, and it was just the two of them.

"How did you get in?" Casey winced. He'd promise Nina he wouldn't see Sarah. He looked at Sarah's dad.

"We told the cop outside, it was a family emergency." Sarah looked at her Dad then.

"What kind of family emergency?" Casey winced. "My family?" He was startled. There was just Nina, or his grandmother. "Did something happened to Grandy?"

"No." Sarah assured him.

"I can't see Nina getting a hold of you, for anything." He looked at both of them.

"Dad wants you to come to dinner." Sarah looked at her Dad. "Casey, meet your Dad."

Casey stared at both of them. Why was Sarah so calm? Shouldn't she be freaking out? He thought. Casey didn't know what to say.

"By the way, the Dad you were suppose to have, is actually my Dad." Sarah hugged herself.

"Everything is gonna be all right, son." His dad finally said. "We're gonna talk it all out. Talk it out tonight."

"Well, I have a couple of more stalls to work on here." Casey just couldn't put down his mop and go with them. "And I have to call Nina. Nina needs to know." It just wouldn't be right keeping this from her.

plenty to go around

2011-09-25T01:06:00.032-05:00

Todd knew he couldn't have made the week without the help from Sarah and her family. But still he had lots alone time back at the flat with Lux. He didn't know what he'd do when Lucy came home. He'd do his best to forgive her, but forgetting was entirely too hard.

"Well, you have to keep looking to the future." Sarah kept reminding. But it felt so pointless, sometimes. It was baffling, why Lucy would hurt him, like that.

"Maybe, this has nothing to do with you." Sarah's words were on his mind when he got a call on the cell.

"Hey, I don't have long to talk," It was a familiar voice. His brother.

"Craig! Is that you?" He could barely hear him. "Why are you calling me?"

"I need to know, how is Sarah?" He wanted to know.

"Just dandy." Todd wanted to yell, but he was holding Lux and she was sleeping. "Happy, you aren't here."

"You just don't understand." His voice went in ans out. It sounded as if he were in a wind storm.

"You're right. I don't." Todd wanted to know where was. "You coming back?"

"I would." His voice sounded almost desperate. "If I could."

"Fine. Whatever." He was about to hang up.

"Just tell her I miss her, will you?" Craig's hurried words came back to haunt him. "Tell her, I love her. I do."

"Craig! Why can't you tell her?" Todd winced. He waited for an answer, but the line went dead.

breaking in

2011-09-23T01:05:00.035-05:00

"Hey, are you asleep?" Gage felt his way in the dark, fell on Sage in the process.

"What are you doing?" She was awake. She snapped on the lamp next to her bed. "Its.." She squinted hard. "3 in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep." He told her. He was eager to get to work.

"But you don't have to be there until seven," Sage yawned. "Really, seven is too early for me."

"Seven is too early?" No one had told him this, until now. "Seven is early." He repeated shaking his head. He wasn't exactly in bed with Sage who was in the clothes she came in.

"Seven is early, but that's when you have to be there." She told him she hoped she got the job, but her luck she wouldn't.

"But you could be there for me. To talk." He grinned.

"Yeah, sure." She didn't look so happy. "But I want to be left alone. Right now."

"OK." He got up and watched her, stare at him. "What if I can't sleep?" He shrugged.

"Just close your eyes, and try." She yawned.

"I can do that here?" He felt ready for anything.

"No, in your own room." She sighed. "Just don't scare me like that, OK?"

"I'm not scary." He promised. His smile was genuine.

"Go to bed." She pointed at him.

He walked away, but it was more like a circle.

"We're friends? Right?" He wanted to know. Now.

"I guess." She was sleepy.

"Promise?"

"Promise." She told him.

Gage grinned. There was nothing else to do. They were going to be friends. He missed Lucy so much. Maybe Sage could be a friend, like Lucy.

You, Don't know Ezra

2011-09-21T01:04:00.035-05:00

Lucy couldn't remember what day it was. Todd promised it would only be a few days at the medical center. Just a few tests. She was expecting bloodwork and brain scans, but no, she was stuck with lots of questions. And then she slept.

She couldn't remember sleeping so much, and she couldn't remember any of her dreams which annoyed her the most, because dreams were precious. She missed Lux terribly. She was given something that wouldn't make her lactate and for a while she wanted to rip parts of body apart, but somehow she'd managed through it.

"Now we'd like you to come to the group session." The nurse waved her toward the chairs in a circle. It was sort of like a commons, or where you might hang out at a community center in the hospital.

Lucy tried not to groan much. She'd promised Todd she'd behave so she'd be home by the end of the week. She looked around, everyone was in the hospital Tee-shirts and sweat pants. She looked at her fingernails that were cut short. Just a precaution, unless she wanted a straight jacket. They had those here, or so she was informed after one little fit.

She looked around at the others. Most were younger than her. Suddenly, she felt so old. This couldn't be good, she thought. But then she saw someone more her age. He looked odd. She hugged herself tight, but couldn't resist to watch him with his messy hair. Even so, he was kind of pretty. Of course, not as pretty as Todd. No one was that pretty. She had to remember this. She would. She closed her eyes and thought of how impossible the week must have been for Todd with Lux. What were they doing right now? When would she see them again?

Right away, they had to make introduction. They didn't have to say much about themselves. Lucy told them that she wished she were home. She didn't want to be here.

"My name is Ezra, and I want to be here." He told anyone who would listen.

"Ezra? Did you sneak in, again?" Their group therapist gave him a funny look.

"So what if I did?" He was wearing what the others were wearing. He pushed his messy hair behind his ear and looked at her as if she could not tell him what to do.

"But your fine, Ezra. There's nothing wrong with you." The woman told him.

"How do you know that, for sure?" Ezra wanted to know.

Lucy looked at the woman, who was exhausted with Ezra's questions.

"Ezra, go home. Do something with your life." The instructor winced.

Lucy looked at Ezra.

"But I am doing something. I am. I'm here, aren't I?" Ezra shot back.

Lucy grinned. She liked Ezra.

forgetting the pain

2011-09-19T01:04:00.031-05:00

Sage put on a good act. It felt like her last act. Once she was alone she sobbed into the fresh pillow for sometime. Cory had a girlfriend. And she was fat.

Somehow, she loved Cory even more, knowing this fact. Cory and a fat girl.

He was the best. She knew that now. She'd never meet anyone better than Cory, and they couldn't even be friends now...because of Ali.

Sage sensed it too. Ali hated her. Plain and simple. Sage wished it wasn't that way. In spite of everything, Sage really did respect Ali, and she actually liked her. But, she guessed Ali didn't need to know that. It didn't matter. She was suppose to act as if Cory wasn't there. She would try, even if she thought she needed him more than she ever did.

He was easy to talk too. She missed their conversations.

Sage choked up more. Well, at least she didn't have to tell anyone about Mitch. It was best to forget it. He probably had. Except for the eye. Maybe he did remember. She shook with anger more than fear. What was she supposed to do? Let him do what he wanted with her? She'd always been a fighter. After all, she wanted to be the one to decide who her first time would be with, not some drunk idiot who thought he was Gods gift to rock'n roll and his groupies.

She never liked Mitch's music, anyway. She guessed she was at the right place at the wrong time. It would get better. It would have too. Sage hoped. Sage hoped the job worked out at the grocery store. Spencer and Gage seemed nice. Now if she only had a door to her room. That was the first thing she needed to take care of.

a plan within a plan

2011-09-17T01:03:00.034-05:00

Spencer was shocked to hear from Cory. In fact, he wasn't even sure they were friends anymore, but he guessed he could help him out. Maybe Sage could help him out with Gage.

"Hey, our names rhyme." Gage caught on fast, first thing when she introduced herself at the house. Of course, Sage didn't look much older than 15 even if she swore she was 20.

"That is so cool." She grinned as if she knew how to be nice around him. Spencer told her all about Gage's accident on the way over. She told him she needed a job and maybe if she could work at the grocery store, too, then she could make sure Gage was doing OK at work.

Gage got everyone sodas. He'd popped popcorn in the microwave. At least, he never used the stove. Spencer rarely left him alone. But he was only a few minutes away from Cory's, this was the first time Gage was home alone.

They showed her the room downstairs. It was used for mostly his grandmother's stuff, but their was another little room they could stash it in. She saw the band equipment in the basement. Of course, she wanted to jam with them. She was after all, the sound check girl.

"That might be what we've been missing." Spencer told her. He hoped she didn't waste her skills now, being a grocery clerk and babysitting Gage. But Spencer needed a life too. There were classes at the University that were needing his full attention.

"You sure, this'll be all right?" He looked around at the white room with the little windows near the ceiling, letting in some light. All they had was a little twin bed in the corner and a very old chest of drawers. "You can paint in here if you want."

Sage said she'd like that very much. Spencer hoped this worked out.

out you go

2011-09-15T01:03:00.027-05:00

Ali knew what she saw the moment Sage arrived. Cory was falling hard for the band roadie. Evidently. That smile of his was genuine around Sage, who made him laugh and listen. Ali felt as if her life caved in.

So she cooked a lot, and then she ate..a lot. It was best to keep to herself. She certainly didn't want to have anything to do with perky Sage. Ali couldn't stand the sight of her. It made Ali feel ugly and useless.

"Look, I'm very sorry ..if..." Sage told her the next morning when they were alone at breakfast. "If I've caused any problems." Sage sounded sincere enough, but Ali wasn't sure she bought it. At least, Spencer had some room in his basement for her. She was packed an on her way. "Between..between you and Cory. I didn't mean too. I-I've never been the other woman." She smiled as if the sound was just too ridiculous. "Cory's a great guy...and he's with you." She was timid though, trying to think what to say. "I respect you. OK, I'm not here to steal Cory." She shook her head.

"Then why are you here?" Ali was still cross that she'd come all this way to find Cory.

"I-I guess I've got nowhere else to go." She choked up a little. "But I'm out of your hair." Just then the doorbell rang. Spencer was here to pick her up.

Ali crossed her arms and watched Sage go. It was Cory's hair she was worried about. She knew Sage wanted to fondle those curls.

do you see what I see

2011-09-13T01:01:00.029-05:00

"That's her?" Cory could detect the shock in Sage's voice when she found out that he was not home alone. "She's your girlfriend?" Sage eyeballed him as if he must be playing some game with her. Ali, of course, went to hide in the kitchen expecting him to take care of this situation.

"Yes." Cory sucked in a breath wondering how much information Sage needed. "We've been together for..well, months..now." He wished he knew an exact date, or something.

"And..you.." At first he thought she was mad. "You..why..did you neglect... to tell me?" He could see the hurt in her eyes now.

"I dunno." Feeling, Ali was going to be angry with him now, Cory felt his stomach tie in knots. "I should have, told you. I know. But, I..I just didn't feel the need that you had to know." His face tensed. "Look, you can stay ...until we find you place, or..whatever." He bit his bottom lip. "But..you can't just live here." He got the impression she was the run or something.

Sage nodded as if she understood. "That, that would be great."

"I-I thought you liked being on the road." In the last 7 hours, Sage didn't really say why she was here. She acted as if she needed a vacation of some kind. Then she let slip she was looking for work. "Did something happen?"

She shook her head, no, but he really didn't believe her. Cory told her she could sleep on the couch. He hoped Ali would be nice to her, but as it was, she'd hardly spoken to her. This was not what he needed. He was having enough trouble trying to get back in Ali's good graces, as it was. It was as if she knew he'd met someone new. And here she was.

Sage went upstairs to take a shower. Instantly, Ali arrived with an apple crisp for him.

"Its not what you think." He stressed to Ali. "Something must have happened." He couldn't imagine what. "I'll try to see if..if she can stay at Spencer's. Or something."

"You mean, she's not going home?" Ali scowled. She took back the crisp and started eating it herself. He wondered if that meant Ali didn't want him sleeping with her, either.

"I'm not sure. But it'll just be for the night. I promise." He felt he needed to swear on a bible. "There is nothing going on between Sage and me. She's just a friend."

"You're sure?" She licked the apple from the spoon.

"Positive." Cory sighed as he pulled out his cell. He was going to call Spencer, right now.

once upon a time

2011-09-11T02:44:00.030-05:00

"All right," Sarah crossed her arms and watched her Mom give Lux her bottle. There was no way she'd raise her voice now. "I know what you did."

Her mom looked up at her. Those eyes never lied. Or did they?

"Don't you think you've done enough to dad, already?" Sarah's voice was cold, but she felt the baby kick just below her right breast. Not even the unborn child inside her could make her stop what she was about to say.

"Oh..Honey, your Dad and I are fine." She looked innocent enough.

"You've deprived him...of so much." Sarah informed her.

"Look, he did his own damage, too." She sounded as if they were on the same page in this.

"I.." Sarah closed her eyes, thinking what she meant. How perhaps her mother did what she did out of some complicated revenge now. Yet, sticking with this man she called her Dad. "I guess..I understand...but..what about Casey?"

"Casey." Her mom looked down at the baby who's thick lashes fluttered with sleep. Lux was a little angel. Her lips were full as Lucy's but her eyes were Todd's. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to tell Dad, everything. I want Casey to be a real part of our family. He deserves to know his real Dad. And I think you two should pay for his college education."

Her mother sucked in a breath as if she were asking for the impossible.

"I'll sit down with both of you. We will get through this. Its just I want this settled. I need the truth. Casey needs to know. God, Mom, do you know what kind of life he's had? Do you?" Sarah couldn't help to think her own child could be in the same boat as Casey. Of course, it was different. She did intend to raise her baby on her own. Still, she always wanted to be honest. Was that so hard to do?

tell me about it

2011-09-09T02:45:00.056-05:00

"What? Didn't catch a bus or take a cab, while I was gone..." Todd finally spoke.

Lucy dug deeper in the little bucket of cottage cheese with a spoon. Lucy took refuge on the livingroom couch. She looked back at him with a scowl.

"You can't take Lux from me!" She was bitter. He'd left with the baby when she was in the shower. It freaked her so. She'd cried for some time about it. How could he dare think she was an awful mother?

"She's safe." Todd winced. Still straight lipped and nothing like the lover she knew. Perhaps he was changing. Yes, that was it. She was her exact self. He'd turned on her. That was it.

Todd went to the fridge and grabbed a juice.

"Lux is safe here." Lucy protested. She felt ill now. How could he even imagine that she wasn't all right.

"Don't deny it, Lucy!" Todd flung the fridge shut. Bottles rattled. He was full of venom now. "You hurt yourself! You hurt me! I have no idea what YOU are really CAPABLE of."

She thought he might spit on her in that kind of rage. He stirred more tears of emotion inside her. She crumbled, pushing the cottage cheese away.

"What do you want me to do?" She wailed.

"You need a doctor." He told her. "I don't know one. I really don't." Standing there as if he might attempt to jump her, but she threw herself on the couch and tucked her legs under her hands.

"I don't trust them! Don't make me go!" She gritted.

"Jesus, Lucy! What am I suppose to do? Let them put me on drugs, so I can I live with you." His glare was harsh.

She cleared her throat, thinking of what he'd just said. "You don't want to live with me?"

Todd pressed his lips tight and turned away. "I really thought I knew you. I really did, but I can't be sure now." He face flushed with tears too. He plopped himself down next to her as he covered his eyes. "I love you. Can't you see that! I am trying to make this right. I thought we wanted the same thing. I thought we wanted a better family, better from our own. One where we truly loved each other. That's what I want Lux to know. Not this shit. You being unfaithful, and lord knows what!" He shook his head.

"Can you just give me a week, or two?" She licked her chapped lips. The thought of Gage welled up, under her skin. It stung deep. But she'd get it right. She would. Of course, if Todd didn't agree, she'd show him how vampires really fought. This was her home. She would only go crazy if she had to.

if you say so

2011-09-07T02:33:00.046-05:00

Sage Post hadn't talked to anyone since it happened. Maybe no one would remember her. She knew her time was up with the band tour.

Something bad happened. But not to her. It was a close call. It could have been worse. She liked to believe she left Mitch Olsen's bus in one piece. Scruffy Mitch, not so lucky.

She didn't want to think how it was. The blood. How she'd left him on the floor in pain. She bet he never told anyone what really happened. Lord knows, what the story would be about when he wore the patch over his right eye now. Probably, be the infamous Patch. And to think she'd done it with a Sharpie. Nobody messed with Sage Post. Of course, getting to Cory's house was quite a journey, its self.

She hitched a ride with a truck driver, going East. She lived on Cornuts and a bottle of diet pop. Took her three days to get there, and when she did, she meandered around town, hoping she might bump into him. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. At her last resort, she rang the door bell, hoping she wasn't completely lost.

"Sage! What are you doing here?" The shock on his face, amazed her.

"What? You didn't think you'd see me, again?" She stared at him as if she wanted to be tough, but she really wasn't.

"Well..." His look was puzzled, but he let her in. She guessed she smelled. She was still in her cheap tank top and cut-off jeans. She wore her steal toed boots which were heavy and sweaty. Sage so needed to take a load off.

"I was just passing through." Only she didn't have any money. No minutes on her phone. As she looked around the cozy living-room..this was where she wanted to call home.

encouraging each other

2011-09-05T01:33:00.000-05:00

"I dunno how to talk to her." Todd told Sarah. He brought the baby with him to Sarah's parents. As it was, Sarah's mom took Lux to make over. According to her Mom, Lux was just as good as family here.

"Where's Lucy now?" Sarah winced.

"Home alone." Todd shook his head. "I know. I shouldn't leave her alone. But I can't leave Lux alone with her, either. I'm afraid. I honestly am." He hugged himself tight as if he might be sick of himself. "I dunno what to do. Maybe its me who needs the doctor instead of Lucy."

"You've put this off, far too long." Sarah sighed. "Just take her to the hospital."

"I know she's better. She is." Todd believed.

"But she's hurt herself before, you told me." Sarah reminded him. "And the voices. She was hearing voices."

"I know." Todd tried not to think about Lucy and Gage. Together. It felt as if his heart was ripped out and stomped on. "Its just, I'm trying to make a go of it, with the shop. What was I thinking? Something like that would be possible."

"You have to take her in." Sarah was serious.

"I don't even know if that's possible." Todd blew a breath. "I just need Lux to be here. Tonight, at least."

Sarah told him to go, but to Todd it felt as if he was going deep sea diving in quicksand.

or so we thought

2011-09-03T02:32:00.040-05:00

"I talked with some of the people you used to work with," Spencer said to Gage after the waitress took their order at Village Inn. Everything was fresh and remodeled. There was a simple menu with just about anything one might be hungry for. "They think you could come back to the deli. I mean, it wouldn't be anything major. Mainly assisting the chef and unloading things. Would you be up for something like that?"

"I guess." Gage shrugged as he stirred the straw in his Dr. Pepper as if it hadn't enough sugar.

"You know, you were pretty good at making friends when you were at rehab." Spencer mentioned.

"That was different." Gage shook his head.

"Come on, you know you don't want to watch TV all day." Spencer reminded him it was good to be busy.

"You want me to work, so I can move out?" Gage acted as if he understood now.

"Did I say that?" Spencer winced. "You have your room. Don't you like it?"

"Its OK." Gage seemed in different about it.

"Is their anything you need? Just tell me, I'll see what I can do." Spencer looked at Gage, wondering what was really on his mind.

"Is there anything you need?" Gage stared at him.

"What do you mean?" Spencer winced.

"Needs." Gage winced.

"I'm just fine." Spencer sighed as the waitress came near. He looked at Gage who looked at the perky blond out of the corner of his eye. Spencer was sure he didn't know this Gage.

in another world

2011-09-01T02:31:00.043-05:00

"Sorry, I'm such a weenie." That about summed it up, thought Keith, as he admired Benny's handi-craftmanship on his arm. It was a small Celtic cross. It was simple and it made Keith smile. Benny remembered that he taught Celtic history and the University. "I always hated getting a shot."

He told Benny it was the first vivid memory he ever remembered, getting a shot at the doctor's office. He was a mere toddler with evidently fat yet tough thighs. When he saw the needle, he was not happy. He'd kicked the nurse so hard that he bent the needle and the syringe was dangling on his leg. He still remembered.

"And you think I was the crazy kid." Benny laughed at him as he went to get him the stir-fry that Benny made.

"I never said you were crazy. You're Mom's crazy." Keith still believed it too. They rarely went over to see Benny's parents. He was sure his parents had dinners with the rest of the family, but they weren't invited.

"Which reminds me, we're invited to a birthday party." Benny nodded as if they should have been ready for it last week.

"Not at your Mom's?" Keith kind of hoped not.

"No, my sister's having a party at the bowling ally for her 10 year old. Mom won't go. She finds bowling disgusting." Benny told him.

"Well..then.." It was an occasion Keith could look forward too. No threats. No one telling him to shut up. Yet, he felt a tad guilty. He wanted to like Benny's mother. It was just impossible, he thought now. "Of course, I want to go." Keith dug into the fried rice with the spicy shrimp. "Who knows, your nephew might even want to come over sometime."

"OH, no," Benny said. "My sister, will start thinking we're her babysitters. That is not gonna happen."

Keith guessed Benny was right, but he didn't want to stay out of the loop with Benny's family, either.

in the rut of it

2011-08-30T02:04:00.034-05:00

Gage thought he'd been tricked. Some how. When he woke up, there was Todd standing over him. Gage looked at the side of him, wondering if Lucy was ever there. What if she wasn't? What if it had all been a dream?

He shook his head. No, it hadn't. She'd been rather passionate. A passion he'd wanted to be a part of. He liked the energy of it. But it made him tired. He just didn't feel strong enough. It was certain now. He needed to be active. Or was he just suppose to watch the world go by?

But Todd hurried him along. Not saying much. Actually, dressing him as if it was over. He was solemn about the matter. He was no more than some of those folks Gage remembered down at the rehab place who walked him to therapy.

"You'll be fine. You'll see." Todd told him Spencer was here, but Gage noted the sadness in Todd's voice. "I don't think its a good idea for you.. to see Lucy, anymore." His eyes blinked tears as Gage watched him. He didn't think Todd was mad, yet efficient in these matters.

Finally, Gage nodded. He dragged himself to stand. Not sure if he could walk. What was the matter with him? His bones ached. Is this what sex did to you? Todd caught him before he fell in the floor.

"Do you need a doctor?" Todd winced then.

Gage couldn't help but grin, thinking what would he say if he went to the emergency. He shook his head, no. He watched Todd's feet as the weight of him leaned into him. It was a comfort, perhaps. Yet, Todd's face was washed out. Still Gage was sure of it now, Todd was the strongest person he'd ever met.

"I wish.." Gage started, dragging himself a long. "I wish I could be more like you."

"Believe me, you don't want to be me." Todd sighed. He got him to the hall. "You'll be all right. You'll see."

He told Spencer the baby was sick. "And..and, Gage felt like taking a nap." Todd went on to say as if it was half the truth.

"I didn't know the baby was sick." Gage's face tensed. "I didn't know." He looked at Todd as if he should have told him.

"Lucy will take care of her." Todd nodded. Gage nodded then too.

"You hungry?" Spencer was all smiles.

"Yeah." Famished in fact, thought Gage. It felt as if the dream was fading fast. Maybe he couldn't hang on to any memory if he tried. He could walk on his own now. Slowly, he made his way to the car. There was still a sudden humidity in the air. That was why he liked Lucy and Todd's place so much. It was like a refrigerator, in fact.

He looked back, thinking only moments ago he'd been in someone else's bed. And he thought of Lucy's mouth. How her messy hair fell past her shoulder, into his face. Her skin so soft and new. It was a different place, than now. Driving through town in the late afternoon with Spencer.

Gage began to weep. He was sad now. Not so much of the thought of missing Lucy, but the fact he'd hurt Todd. He looked at Spencer, thinking he was capable of doing just as much to Spencer.

"What's the matter?" Spencer looked over at him..

"Nothing." Gage shivered, wishing this was a memory he could make go away, but there it was sliding in and out of everything he saw around him.

letting the lions out

2011-08-28T02:03:00.060-05:00

What was her intentions? Really?

A part of Lucy was trying to will Lux to wake up. But all was quiet. It was really a nice part of the afternoon. A great time for tea. Maybe even a tea-party. We should dress up and speak in our best British accents...

It should have been that way with Gage. She wanted to say it, but it was a little too late. After all, it was just kissing..now wasn't it? It was going to be. But no, it evolved some how, like the sinking sun, she now thought. Steady as it went. Under the covers of the bed sheets.

It was real and seriously, nothing was suppose to be spoken. It was one of those sort of matters to feel through. Maybe touch had something to do with it, but so did the emotion, like smoke rising, dancing, settling some how ..in the air...that settled somehow in a very deep sleep.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Someone pulled Lucy up in the depth of murky waters of her dreams. She gasped, then pressing her lips tight as if she couldn't imagine Todd really being here, but he was. She looked at the time. Not even four o'clock, but it didn't mean she was any less naked, wrapped like a semi-goddess in the sheets.

"Its not what you think." She scowled, as if Gage wasn't even here. He was asleep, of course. "I-I was just helping him out. Actually."

"OH REALLY!" Todd was so loud. He woke the baby, which he went to in the next room. Lucy climbed into her clothes, and ran after him, barefooted.

"Can we not discuss this now?" She trembled.

"When is a good time for you?" He eyeballed her as if this was not a game. "What? Are you sex therapist now? I might add rapist is actually in the word." He looked at her bitter as if she'd taken advantage of Gage. She should be ashamed.

"He's not an idiot." Lucy squinted. Why did he have to make her feel any worse?

"How could you?" Lux tested her lungs once more, but Todd soothed her, letting her take to his hand. He looked quite miserable as if she'd done it, this time. "What more could I possibly give you? You enjoy, making me miserable, don't you?" He shook his head as if he wished not to look at her.

"I'm sorry, it just happened." She shook her head, promising it wouldn't happen again.

Todd went to get Lux a bottle. Again, he wouldn't look at her. But she had no place to go. There was a knock on the door. It was Spencer.

"Please..Please, don't tell him!" She begged then. Wondering what could she do? Where would she go? For the first time, it was clear to her, she couldn't make it on her own, even if she wanted too.

just a bit of confidence

2011-08-26T02:02:00.037-05:00

"I just dunno how to do this." Spencer needed some help here from Benny and Keith. "Where would you go on a first date?"

Benny almost crossed his eyes thinking. As it was Benny got Keith back in the tattoo chair to operate. He'd been doing this well over a week, and Keith still was the reluctant one to get a tattoo.

"Some place nice, I think." Benny nodded. Spencer's pout fumed.

"Pizza and movie. Something casual." Keith shrugged, but flinched as soon as Benny touched his arm with his finger. Benny gazed at Keith, almost giggling.

"I won't hurt you, babe. I promise." Benny told him.

"I can't decide, what I want." Keith shook his head, no.

"Then I'll decide for you." Benny batted his lashes. He looked at Spencer for help then. "Come hold your brother's hand." He motioned.

Naturally, Spencer went to the other side of Keith to show support.

"No, not that hand. I need for you keep him still. Sit on him, if you have too." Benny ordered.

Keith gritted hard then. His body tensed to prepare himself. Spencer held on to his hand tight. As soon as Benny touched Keith with his tattoo pin, Keith passed out.

"Well, thats one way to get this done." Benny sighed and went to work on Keith's right bicep.

what to think

2011-08-24T01:51:00.025-05:00

"I'm thinking my whole life is a lie."

Todd clipped at Sarah's dead ends. He cut only four inches of her thick honey colored hair.

"Just think of it as a good lie." Todd wasn't sure he liked what he was saying. He was just trying to focus on the haircut. "I mean, you have people who love you."

"But what if my real Dad is Casey's Dad..and his dad is my Dad?"

"Is this like switched at birth or something?" Todd winced.

"I can't believe my mother lied." Sarah fumed. She was not happy, but he had a feeling she'd came in to talk, not for a haircut.

"But does your Dad know?" Todd was catching on to this game. This was seriously crazy.

"Which one?" Sarah's intense face stressed.

"Look, you're having a baby. You know who the father is. And, that's all that matters." Todd rubbed his finger as the nap of Sarah's bobbed hair. It was done. Flirty and very affordable. Free in fact.

"I feel so lost, you know." She told Todd then.

"You're not lost. We're here for you." Todd smiled. "You look great." He said into the mirror. For a moment, he felt as if they were having their very own TV show.

"But..but I want to know who I am." She got up then.

"Of course, you do." He gave her a pat on a back. "Google it." Wasn't that the answer to everything?

if that's not enough

2011-08-22T01:36:00.036-05:00

"We have to talk." Sarah was barely speaking above a whisper over the phone.

"Why?" Was she trying to scare him, thought Casey as he had to keep his voice low, too, hoping he could keep his cell to himself. Nina was in the kitchen making supper. Something with artichokes. It was making Casey's stomach turn flips, already. His nerves were getting to him. "What do you know?"

"Just get your ass over here." She snapped.

"I dunno if can do that." Casey was afraid to go over there. This was like opening a can of worms. "I..I gotta go." Nina was on to him. He put his cell in his back pocket.

"Who was that?" Nina eyed him.

"Nobody." He couldn't help but be nervous.

"It was that pregnant Sarah, wasn't it?" Nina went to set the table.

"Who says shit like that?" Casey winced as he mouthed the words behind her. He went to find some red wine. Something to settle his nerves.

"We have stopped drinking." Nina halted him. Taking the bottle away from him. "No alcohol. No caffeine."

"Are you serious?" This was just insane to him.

"If we have a baby, we have to get off to a perfect start." She told him.

"If?" He scowled. "Have you lost it? Completely?" He hugged himself then. The first year was suppose to be about them. Not having kids.

"What did she want?" Nina practically growled.

"I dunno what Sarah wanted." Suddenly, Casey felt like he was Nina's child. How was he suppose to be a father when he didn't really know how to act, right now. He sat down, waited. Maybe he was suppose to be serving dinner, he didn't know.

"I don't want you talking to her." Nina looked at him as if he better be obedient, or she might take away that thing he wanted five times a day. Yes, it was record breaking. It was like their Ever Ready batteries were charged.

"OK." Casey sighed. He could live with that.

more than toast

2011-08-20T01:07:00.024-05:00

"Mom, did you ever know Casey's dad?" Sarah asked while her Mom was warming her up some tomato soup and a cheese grilled sandwich. They'd just gotten back from a doctor's appointment. Her mother had watched her unborn baby on a computer monitor in full color.

"I guess. I knew him." She shrugged.

"You guess?" Sarah almost laughed.

"OK, I had a big crush him. Don't tell your father. But Wes, was like something on a soap opera. His flashy smile. He was gorgeous. Maybe it was the French Italian in him. Might as well have been a Greek god." She sighed as if she remembered every inch of him.

"Wow, Mom." That was almost a bit of TMI, but Sarah wasn't going to hound her about it. Her mother went off to the kitchen to get Sarah's late lunch. She knew her mother was ecstatic about having a grand-baby.

"You know, I always thought Casey would have looked more like Wes." Sarah heard her mother talk aloud. "You know, this great olive complexion. Naturally, sun kissed."

Sarah looked down at her own arms. Her skin was light yet an olive tone.

"Come to think of it, Casey always made me think of your father." Her mother smiled as she sat down the bowl of soup and toasted sandwich.

Sarah looked into her mother's eyes. What she trying to tell her?

oblivian

2011-08-18T02:34:00.042-05:00

Ali wanted to be happy to see Cory. It was odd though. He seemed pleased to show them up. That he was purely a rock star. They weren't.

She hated that about him. It was true. Clearly, a real ass. Maybe she'd just noticed his true colors.

She never cracked a smile when he was on stage. Perhaps they thought she was the bitch. Spencer was the one who asked all about Cory's adventures on tour. Cory was a bit sullen, but happy to talk about how many festivals and music halls he'd been through in the mid-west.

Ali did her best to be patience. She waited after the show. She didn't know what to expect. What was there to say? Then Cory made his move. He took her hand.

"So now what?" She could really go for some strawberry crepes at IHOP, but she didn't mention it.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" Cory wanted to know.

"I guess." But the thing was, she wanted to be the first thing he saw when he got back. Not this big time rush of everybody so happy to see him. Like he was somebody. But then maybe he was. He'd signed a record deal with the people he'd been working for.

When they went home, where she'd been sleeping and where he'd once had his room down the hall... yet now they were in his grandmother's room, Ali didn't want to be near him. He smelled different, like electric parts and metal. It was quite bitter to overcome. Although, she let him kiss her. She guessed she missed him, after all.

Afterwards, she felt ashamed that she'd let him get to her, like that. Really, he'd been the core of her world for so long, and now it all felt so shallow and meaningless. If she'd been the best he ever had, why had he gone off like that without even discussing it with her first? She meant nothing to him, it was just an act of something expected. Only a little of her still needed him.

Happy now

2011-08-16T01:53:00.024-05:00

Todd couldn't have been more pleased with the opening. They'd had an overwhelming crowd for the show. If that wasn't enough, Lucy sexed him up way before the doors open. Needless to say, it was all amazing.

People loved the band. Loved the place. Countless folks booked him up the whole month for appointments. It was going so well.

Ali sang her heart out. She was so pretty and her voice just got better and stronger with each song. Then Casey showed up. He had to get in on a set of songs. He played for all his old fans. It was really a rock'n show.

And then Cory arrived to everyone's surprise. He gave them a show, as well. The music kept coming. People danced. That bought lots of the Freaknoid T-shirts and plastic bracelets that Lucy had kept. It really did ring up success. Even at the cash register.

"We should do this every weekend." Lucy was just as giddy. Sarah stayed with the baby. It was their night.

Afterwards, they made love instead of cleaning up. It really felt like some other place. Not where they lived.

"Do you think we're off to a good start?" He really still felt like a little lamb of some kind, not aware of the downfall of having his own business.

"Yes!" Lucy was passionate about it. All giddy and mad about him. His brain might as well have been melted on the stage somewhere. And to think, neither were on drugs.

"What's happened to us?" He squinted hard. There in bed.Why was he even questioning it? This was the start of something fantastic. He just couldn't let himself think what was next. Clearly, this was their love, awake and happening that made rainbows possible.

tell me more

2011-08-14T01:52:00.025-05:00

"Well, don't make me sound like a sex therapist!" Lucy sputtered about her moment in time with Gage.

Sarah sighed with laugh. "You really are something."

"No, I'm not." Lucy winced, but she couldn't stop talking about her kiss with Gage. "I'm not. Its not like that, in any way. It'll never happen again."

"It better not." Sarah got out what was left of the baby bottles in the fridge. "You've got Todd. You always wanted him, you know."

"No..I didn't." Lucy looked at Sarah wide eyed with her hands on her hips. But it was easy to see Lucy was the metal that wanted to stick to Todd like a magnet. Always.

"I think you did. You went way out of your way to get him." Sarah reminded her.

Lucy packed the diaper bag quickly, as if she didn't want to think of herself as being a wee bit evil about her pursuit of Todd.

"I love him. I do." Lucy promised.

"Things are good, right?" Sarah wanted to know. Lucy nodded.

"You think I've deprived him, don't you?" Lucy looked hurt.

"Hey, don't even go there. You two have a family. And you have to make the most of each day. Don't even think of dwelling on the past." Sarah knew it was easier said than done.

"I know. I want us to stay happy. We are happy, Sarah." Lucy told her.

"I believe you." Sarah smiled. "And Lux has both of you."

Lucy nodded, as if she needed to hear it, to believe it true.

another world

2011-08-12T01:51:00.050-05:00

Gage thought of himself as good for nothing, lately. He watched the world go by. It seemed awful slow, but the next thing he knew, it was all so fast and he needed to be cautious.

He didn't think he'd ever been kissed. It was as if he need to graduate from something. But from what? Nothing was coming to him.

Oh, he was near perfect now. His speech was good. He knew words. Sentences. That had to count for something? But the memories. They were gone. But he could tread water. How did he know to do that at the pool?

He was done with the ice cream. It lost its flavor. He dumped it in the trash. That's what people did. He looked at Lucy.

"So you knew me?" How come no one seemed to enlighten him? He was right here. He needed to know.

"Not really. You were older. Quiet type. I think some football dude bullied you." She told him. "You know, maybe you were never gay at all. You were just meant to be."

That sounded disgusting, somehow.

"I really think you loved Spencer because he's talented." Lucy smiled as if gender didn't really matter. Something more important did.

Gage nodded. It was still a blank. He wanted to feel something. Somehow. It made him a bit angry. But then, he wasn't sure it was completely true.

"Look, Todd's gay too." Lucy told him.

"He has a boyfriend?" Gage was curious. At least she hadn't put him on the spot.

"God, he's complicated. This old dude wanted to marry him. But he was so funny, about it. That was when we first met. He didn't really want to be someones, boy-toy, you know. We kept each other from falling into the wrong crowd. I guess. But then he was with Spencer for awhile. I couldn't hardly stand it, you know. I just couldn't bare it." Lucy looked sad about it as she kept staring at her tattoo.

"I think a part of him, will always love Spencer. But I am his best friend." Lucy sounded as if that was the most important concept.

Gage nodded. So now he knew why Spencer was with him. Still he needed to know. Could it be true? Was he different now?

"Would you kiss me?" He shrugged. Lucy glared back as if she didn't answers questions like that.

"Oh, all right." She took a deep breath as if this was purely an experiment.

When her mouth met his, the sensation sent a spark to his brain. Yes, this was completely crazy beautiful. It was the first time he'd truly laughed.

coming home

2011-08-10T01:50:00.042-05:00

"Just give me something small." Lucy guessed she was Benny's next victim. She'd brought Gage along. Sort of a learning experience, she supposed. "Like a dagger." She smiled thinking that would be wild. Right on her ankle.

"A dagger?" Benny looked at her as if she was not really sane yet.

"Just surprise me." She shrugged. Really, it was all so relaxing. Sarah was with the baby. No worries. Actually. She had the insurance people calling about the house. Still no luck where her Dad could be. If they didn't get a hold of him soon, then she'd get the cash for the property damage. She was sure he'd surface soon. Especially, if money were involved.

She looked over and saw Gage's curious child like gaze. He was staring at her leg. She winced. Was he suppose to be that curious?

"Whats going on?" She wanted to know after Benny was done. She was suppose to be in a nice nap, but he'd kept her on her toes, instead.

"Nothing." Gage looked at her puzzled.

"I'm married, you know." She informed him as she stopped for ice cream on the way home. They sat out side with their ice cream cones while she stared at the little poises Benny designed in a delicate bracelet tattoo on her left ankle.

"I know." He said as if he didn't know what she was getting at.

"And." She licked the strawberry ice cream. "You're gay."

"Gay?" He made it sound like a color or a ticket for something. He looked confused.

Suddenly, Lucy felt as if she could not define what she'd just said. But hadn't Spencer told him?

"Yes..as in you like other guys." She sighed.

"Guys?" He squinted hard as if he didn't know how to say the word gay.

"You were madly in love Spencer. Mad, completely. Even I knew that. I saw how you were about him at school. Following him like a ghost. You never wanted him to know you were even there. But you wanted him. I just knew." She remembered. It was like a quick flashback to her. Thinking they were all just zombies in high school.

Gage was having a hard time with his vanilla ice cream now. He bit into the scoop instead of licking it.

"I'm sorry I said anything." It sounded like a lame excuse. "I thought ..you were OK..you know."

"I didn't know." Gage looked stricken somehow.

"Its OK. Really. You like girls now, is that it?" Lucy shrugged.

"No. I dunno." He winced. He kept quiet then.

Lucy knew it should have been a the dagger on her ankle and sighed. She guessed it was true. She had a knack at stabbing at things, that she shouldn't.

serious talk

2011-08-08T07:28:00.000-05:00

"Well, you are a slut." Benny agreed with Nina.

Casey was Benny's first tattoo. It was just a little heart on his bicep with Nina's name in it. Casey gritted hard. He didn't really want to be Benny's guinea pig, but Keith bailed the last minute. Of course, he was right behind Benny, watching him at work with the tattoo needle.

"You just need to come clean with her, bro." Benny, winced and looked at his work. In the process he stepped right back into Keith who did a bit of a dance away from him. The owner of the tattoo place yelled at Keith, who slapped his cheek and went to sit down with a magazine.

"I don't want to hear it, OK." Casey sighed. There were other things to talk about. "Are you guys seriously going to play at this thing with Todd?"

"Yes." Benny informed him as he etched a few more inches. "We've been practicing all week."

"Who in the hell is coming?" Casey wanted to know since he was the odd guy out, lately.

"How should I know?" Benny shrugged. "Maybe it'll be a happening place, you know." He thought it could be possible. Lot of kids were eager to hear then, or so they said down at the comic book store. He'd talked about it here with some biker chicks. People knew about the place.

"What the fuck is it. A salon? a shop? What are you suppose to do there?" Casey scowled as if he wasn't going.

"Just come. Bring Nina." Benny informed him.

"Oh right, she's my lucky charm." He sounded indifferent. Benny began to put some color into the tattoo.

"How much longer?" Casey was in pain.

"Quit being a weinee." Benny gave Casey a stern look. "Get your baby Momma down here, so I can do her too." It could be a matching set of tattoos.

"Baby Momma?" Casey fretted.

"You know, its coming dude." Benny was sly, but any day now, he knew it would be true. Casey would be somebody's daddy by next summer.

always tomorrow

2011-08-06T01:49:00.000-05:00

This was not what Casey wanted. There Nina was with three photo albums of his baby pictures.

"How could you! Behind my back!" Casey shook his head.

"What is your problem!" Nina spat right back. They were in her livingroom. Casey had to remember everything was Nina's, not his. She told him all about her visit with his father's mother.

"You shouldn't have." Casey grumbled as he plopped down on the couch and cringed. This was not what he wanted to be a part of.

"Why not?" Nina scowled as she sat down next to him. "She wants to see you."

Casey shook his head, no.

"I can't." He didn't know why he felt so ashamed. Possibly there was a reason, but he couldn't mention that to Nina.

"But, she's wondered for years, where you were, Casey. How come? Huh?" She put her hand on his back. He wanted to flinch her away, but he didn't. He was choked up. He had no one. Just Nina.

"It wouldn't be right!" Casey cleared his throat. "I'm not who she thinks I am." He finally looked Nina in the eye.

"What are you talking about?" Nina was serious.

"My mom just..just used.." He didn't want to say. "She just faked it. That guy being my Dad."

"Oh Casey, don't talk like that." She embraced him as if she could feel every wave of his emotion. Of course, he took it to mean something else. Entirely. One kiss lead to another. But it didn't matter. She made him forget. She was upside down on the couch before he knew it. And she looked really sexy from where he was.

Ten minutes later he was snapping his jeans back up. It might have been a quickie, but it felt a lot like making love. She looked for her bra under the couch.

"You, are ruining my bras." She informed him.

"Sorry." Funny, he wanted to laugh but he didn't. Nina made everything OK. She'd have sex with him, anywhere in the house. There might be a lot they were missing, but the sex...that was always bliss. Maybe they were a drug for each other. It was all so calm now. He put his arm around her. Soon enough, her weight was on top of him, again. He was thinking how fast everything went, a few minutes ago. Now, it was just as awesome. Except they weren't doing anything.

He filled up with laughter. He knew. He did.

"You came the same time I did, didn't you?" He smiled.

"You're such a slut." She didn't want to talk about it.

"Well..something..was different." He slightly winced, wondering if he'd ever figure it out. Maybe, that was just it. Stop wanting to figure it all out, he thought. He kissed her deeply, hoping she forgot all about this old woman.

a secret life

2011-08-04T01:48:00.072-05:00

Nina was obsessed with The Secret Life of an American Teenager. It was her guilty pleasure. She supposed. As much as she thought the show was preachy, she still found herself wanting to be more like Amy on the show. Who showed her man every week, just how much she loved him. Amy always went to bat for Rickey, and god knows he was a train wreck. Her Casey wasn't quite that awful. Besides, Nina thought she was the first female he'd ever had sexual relations with. Yes, it was she... who took his virginity. She was sure of it.

So thinking that she was the first of everything, well...she was the first to seek out his father's mother. It was her duty. Amy from the TV show would have probably done the same thing. And since Nina's life only revolved around fluff pieces at a TV station, Nina was ready to embark on her own TV show. It wasn't just the NINA SHOW. Casey was her better half. Yes, the name of the show would be THE SECRET LIFE OF A YOUNG HEARTLAND WIFE. She liked the idea. And there would be lots of cool music on the show too. Like little intro seg-way tunes from Surfer Blood. She was listening to their CD while driving over to Casey's grandmother's.

Thankfully, it wasn't a long drive. Just to the older more elegant side of town. The grandmother lived right smack in the forest, along with other red brick homes that looked like royalty compared to the other pill box homes, around.

"Oh, I'm so happy to meet you." Nina poured on the charm as soon as she saw the silver haired woman. She did look a little like the Queen of England, petite yet stout.

"Are you here to sale me something?" She hid behind the screened door.

"No..no. I'm Casey's wife." She pulled out a photo of the two of them.

"Casey?" The screened door popped open and the woman examined the photo carefully.

"Yes." Nina could feel the connection. "I wanted him to come, but he's so..bashful." She told her as the old woman let her in. Naturally, she told Nina that she looked very familiar. "Maybe you've seen me on Channel 7. I do the weather on Sunday mornings."

"Right." She didn't sound completely sold on her. "What do you want?" She kept holding the wedding photo though.

"You can have that." Nina smiled. She'd made Casey go to a real photo studio for that picture. She got a commission, kind of. They were paying her because, well, she was almost a local celebrity. And it wasn't everyday, they had someone who was on the news in their showcase window.

Nina made herself comfortable in the stuffy livingroom. God knows, when this old lady had company last.

"I'm doing this for Casey. It seems his mother has neglected to give him anything of his father's. I can tell he's hurting, you know. Its just, really, he's sort of lost. And well, could you, would you..help him out." Nina remained innocent enough. She wasn't asking for money.

"That mother of his. She's a piece of work." The old woman shook her head as if she knew where Casey was coming from. "He was such a beautiful baby."

"Really?" Nina felt happy and sad all it once. Out came volumes of baby pictures of Casey. "How did you get these?"

"We wanted to raise our grandson." The old woman sat by her all teary-eyed.

Nina couldn't help but yearn for a baby just like this. "I'm so sorry." What could have happened? She hoped the old woman told her. Nina felt it was her cause now to bring them all together. One big happy family.

winging it

2011-08-02T01:47:00.038-05:00

Todd looked at his savings account online. There was more money than he expected.

"Where the fuck did that come from?" He winced, thinking Craig must have had something to do with it. He'd never had this much money in his life. He'd always lived from one pay check to the next for the most part.

"What is it?" Lucy wanted to know.

"We, have money." He felt a little foolish now. They'd filled out paperwork right away to get on the WIC program.

"How much?" She was excited, taking a peak.

"Craig." Todd sighed. He couldn't exactly refuse it, now could he? They were ready for business downstairs. But he was still getting by on the job in the city. He was definitely going to be on his feet a lot. He'd already made flyers at the library about his 2 for one sale, on haircuts. A back to school special. His brain was frazzled. But still he did try his best to spend time with Lucy and the baby. He wanted to trust her. He just didn't know if there were any demons to worry about. Craig seemed to be the only one at the moment, and he might as well be as imaginary as Lucy's. Only, this was real. They had money.

"Well, maybe it was a wedding present." Lucy remained positive as she brought him mid afternoon tea, with quiche.

"You think?" He looked up at her. He doubted that. It was just Craig's way of hiding his dirty little secrets. God knows, where the money came from.

"I know you don't like him much. But maybe he's got regrets. We have to wish the best." She shrugged.

"I know." Todd nodded. "Its just peculiar." Did Craig think he was a failure or was this to help him launch a new life? "It would just be nice if he called, you know."

"Well, he's got a life, too. We can't expect it. Poor Sarah, she's the one who needs him, you know. It'll take some time to get over him. I guess." Lucy sighed as if she had better things to do. She was back to making jewelry.

He guessed she was right. They would be open tomorrow for business. It was really the worst of times as far as the economy went. How in the world did he expect to make a go of it?

swimming in life

2011-07-31T01:01:00.054-05:00

Keith felt confident enough now that Benny could get his license. Like yesterday. It was just odd that Benny didn't have an ID like that. Even stranger, going with someone to be carded for a drink, and it wasn't a real driver's license in his wallet. Really, Keith didn't know things could be done like that, but evidently so. After all, Benny had made it this far without a real driver's license.

He didn't want to push him, but someone had too. And lord knows, what he might be doing right now in that dungeon he'd lived in at his parents. This had to be progress. Had to be. Keith smiled, hoping he knew how this was going to go.

Benny would get his license. They'd find him a car. Then he could go to the University. Of course, Benny never took the ACT or the SAT. It was unbelievable to think Benny didn't have those tests scores. Who did things like that?

Still, Keith knew he needed to guide him through. He just hoped he wasn't rushing him. After all, Benny could be stubborn when he wanted too. But the driving was going so well. Benny made it down the interstate. They'd lingered at the lake. It was a nice day.

"I want you to keep driving." Keith said after they'd got back in the car. "Where to next?"

Benny gave Keith a silly grin. Keith didn't question him. Soon enough, they were back to town. Keith was beginning to think Benny was aimless and just wanted to aggravate him, going down this block then another. Practically waffling around town. Finally, Benny pulled into the graveled parking lot of Joe's Tattoos by the old bowling alley.

"Seriously?" Keith's brow furrowed. What were they doing here? Getting matching tattoos, he thought.

"Yeah, I kind of am." Benny bit his bottom lip. Keith wasn't so sure he was ready to do this. He needed to be on his way to being intoxicated before he let himself think of getting a tattoo. "I gotta an apprenticeship here."

"An apprenticeship?" Keith looked at him as if he didn't get it. How could he?

"Well, Joe likes my drawings. He's been looking at them ..since..since I was in high school." Benny shrugged.

"But..but you don't even have a tattoo." Keith reminded him.

"I know." Benny nodded. "Maybe its time I get one." Benny grinned. "Look, Joe wants to retire. Like a couple of years from now. And, and if I can learn this, like he thinks I can. Well, he wants to leave me, his business."

"Seriously?" Keith looked at the property, that was once a liquor store. It was so retro 70ish, a long building that could have been a dance hall. This was so unconventional. But then, he should have expected this from Benny.

who's to know

2011-07-29T01:00:00.028-05:00

"OK, clear skies. We are going on a roadtrip!" Keith informed Benny.

"A roadtrip?" Benny winced hard. "You never said anything about a roadtrip?" Breakfast was barely over. Benny was getting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

"Come on." Keith hurried him a long as he put a few cold sodas in a cooler along with a jar of cornnuts. "You can't get out if this. You're driving."

"What? No, I'm..I'm not ready." Benny shook his head. They'd had a few little trial by error moments the last few weeks. But somehow Benny found a way to get out of going. People were on vacation down at the comic book store. He had to be there. He didn't have time for driving lessons. This was making him more nervous by the second.

"The more you drive the less you'll feel intimidated. Practice makes perfect." Well, it sounded like a great idea. But Benny didn't feel like doing it.

"What if we get in an accident?" Benny said it like doom was waiting for them. And it wasn't out to the fancy mall in the middle of nowhere.

"Don't even talk like that." Keith reached for his keys. He jingled them with a smile as he held them up in front of Benny who rolled his eyes. He hesitated for a moment then took the keys. He let out a heavy breath as his dark shaggy hair slid across his eyes.

"Maybe you could get a haircut too." Keith persisted.

Finally, they made their way to Keith's nice sports car. Benny guessed he felt comfortable enough in it now. A part of him, felt he didn't deserve to drive it, but Keith wouldn't let him think that long.

"You'll do fine. You need hours, you know. Hours of practice." Keith watched him check the mirror and get ready. Benny, switched the CD player louder. He definitely needed some tunes to get him started. Naturally, Keith turned down the sound.

"I can't let you get distracted." Keith informed him.

Benny held on to the wheel til his knuckles went white. He got out of their block and started toward the downtown area.

"I don't even know where we're going." Benny finally snapped.

"Where ever you want to go." Keith shrugged.

Benny smiled. A bit of him felt in control now. Maybe he'd take Keith to somewhere he'd never been to before. Keith said he had to drive. Benny had no idea where this trip might be going.

a moment ago

2011-07-27T01:59:00.065-05:00

Spencer's heart beat rushed a bit. Was this what he'd been waiting for with Gage? A sense that Gage knew they belonged together. He'd just about given up on it, in fact. He was beginning to think he'd be a monk from here on out.

"I know this song." Gage's smile lit up as he bopped with the song on the mp3 player that Spencer gave him. Gage laughed sitting in Spencer's kitchen at the table.

Spencer gave Gage a chance to listen through the song, completely. LETS GO SURFING from the Drums.

"Wait a minute." Gage remembered. "I've heard this on the Inbetweeners."

"When did you ever watch the Inbetweeners?" He was talking about a British comedy where someone's pants usually came off. It wasn't even a gay show.

"I dunno. But I remember." He listened to it again.

"Oh." Spencer nodded as if this was just what it was. Starting from scratch. He couldn't yell out something like, "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR ME, ANYMORE!" But he didn't. He went to look in the fridge for something to eat. Seemed that was all he was good for. Cooking something for Gage.

He was so much better. Gage only used a cane to walk. His speech was practically normal. Still some problems with holding a pencil. But there were so many things he could do now. Even swim.

"So..so you like THE DRUMS?" Spencer asked as he got some vanilla ice cream for Gage and squirted some chocolate syrup on top.

"The drums?" He squinted hard as if Spencer somehow lost him with the question.

"The band you're listening too." Spencer explained. He always did his best to explained. He just hoped Gage wasn't offended. It was a bit of trial by error, sometimes. But usually, Gage was congenial about all of it.

"Really? They call themselves THE DRUMS." He laughed as if it were a good joke then. "We liked them? Did we?"

"Yeah, we did." Spencer nodded.

"Do you know them?" He acted as if he wanted Spencer to call them up. As if it would be as easy as going to New York City. Another thing Spence had to explain to Gage, who didn't see why they couldn't just go there in ten minutes, if they could see New York City on the Today show.

Maybe this was Gage now. Childlike and happy. Spencer knew it was best just to look out for him, and nothing else. As sad as that made him feel, he didn't want anyone else to have that job, but him. Only, time was up. He'd taken more than a vacation from his work, down at the art gallery. He needed that job, but he'd put it on hold for some time now.

"You're going to join me, aren't you?" Gage asked about the bowl of ice cream then.

"What?" Spencer was caught off guard.

"You made enough for the both of us." Gage sounded as if Spencer had slaved over a hot stove.

"Sure." Spencer went to get a spoon and sat next to him.

"I don't know why you're so nice to me." Gage looked at him. "You're not my brother. You don't even know my parents."

Spencer wasn't sure how to answer. He could barely put the ice cream in his mouth.

"You know I love you." Spencer said as if that was enough.

"I know. But I don't know why? What did I ever do?" He wanted to know.

"You were just you." Spencer put down his spoon. The taste of the cream made him feel sick. A tear slipped down his cheek.

"I don't want to make you cry." Gage reached to give Spencer a hug. It was awkward and clumsy, but Gage held on. Spencer smelled his scent, slightly of chicken soup and everything comforting he could remember of Gage. But this Gage was full of new memories. Innocent ones. Spencer had to remember this.

if we knew

2011-07-25T02:58:00.025-05:00

Lucy really wasn't sure if anyone actually needed to know. Would it be Too Much Information?

"I don't mean to stir up more trouble." Lucy didn't mean to be aloof. It wasn't something she'd exactly talked with Todd, either. Yet she sensed he knew.

"Like what?' Sarah looked at her puzzled as they designed some patterns of beads for bracelets.

"Well..." Lucy felt as if she were at AA's or something. "You'll think I'm nuts. And I am." She finally shrugged. "It was my fault... the reason my Mom left, you know."

"You really have to stop blaming yourself, Lucy." Sarah looked at her, so sincerely.

"But its true. If-if I would have shut up, about ever hearing voices..well, we might all still be together." Lucy squinted hard then. "Its just I don't really hear much of them, at the moment, or anything. And..and even if I did, I know what to do."

"Lucy, you're scaring me." Sarah looked at her baffled.

"See, that's what I did to my Mom." Lucy nursed the corner of her bottom lip. "I try to tell the truth and everyone walks away."

"I'm sorry." Sarah went back to working on the jewelry.

"Its not all bad." Lucy promised. "Its just there are other worlds. And I wouldn't let myself ever be, you know, caught up in another. I wouldn't. But I would get lonely. I think." She did her best to explain. "But there are monsters there too. Just like in this one. Seriously, you should think of Craig as one of the monsters. Be glad he's gone."

"Do you know something, Lucy?" Sarah glared at her then.

"No. Of course not." Lucy shook her head. She hadn't meant to twist it, in this direction. "Just forget him, Sarah. Forget him."

'I can't." Her voice cracked. Lucy didn't meant to upset Sarah. If only she could tell Sarah to forget what she'd said, but Lucy couldn't. Lucy wasn't even sure if Sarah really heard what she'd said before. If only she hadn't mentioned Craig.

a little closer now

2011-07-23T02:55:00.061-05:00

Sarah watched Lucy change Lux's diaper.

"You, are so lucky." Sarah told her. It was good to be out, yet she was still at her parents. Her folks wouldn't hear of her moving back to her apartment. She supposed it was best to give it up. Still no word from Craig. Things were looking more solitary by the day, yet she knew she wasn't alone.

"I know." Lucy didn't argue with her. "For a moment there I thought I'd fucked up completely, but I finally did it."

Sarah guessed Lucy was talking about having the baby. But Sarah wasn't sure. She gave her a nod and Lucy went to show her some maternity clothes. Obviously, they didn't have the same taste in clothes. A lot Lucy's things were ruffles and light weight dresses.

"You could wear them with jeans, you know." Lucy was giving them to her. As it was Lucy was her thin self, again. Sarah couldn't help but envy her.

"I guess so." Sarah sighed, thinking she'd be pregnant forever.

"It gets better." She sounded as if she were ready to go on television and talk about it which made Sarah think of Nina, immediately.

"Have you met Casey's wife?" Sarah picked up the lacey top on Lucy's bed and folded it up.

"I think so. Its a bit of a blur. What about her?" Lucy winced.

"I don't like her." Sarah looked bitter about it. She couldn't be certain what it was, but she felt sure Casey was in a bad place, somehow, with Nina.

"She's kind of a go getter..now isn't she?" Lucy picked up Lux then and they went to the kitchen for some lemonade.

"Is that what she is?" Sarah just thought of Nina being evil.

"Don't tell me, you still have feeling for Casey." Lucy burst into laughter.

"NO. Of course, not. Its just, I hate to see him waste his whole life on someone like her." Sarah guessed that was it. Perhaps.

"You know, he might be thinking the same about you. How could you, have let yourself get mixed up with Craig? Really, now that's a mystery. Always, has been." Lucy told her about the time he was hiding out here and she didn't even know it.

"I just hope he's hiding out somewhere." Sarah didn't want to dare let herself think that Craig was dead. "You sure, Todd doesn't know a thing?"

"Absolutely. He would have told me. Besides, I would have known, even if he hadn't. He gets really stressed at the thought of him, you know." Lucy talked to the baby then who watched Lucy's face.

Sarah still felt all alone. She was sure of it now. Yes, Lucy was the luckiest of all. Lucy had everything she wanted. Sarah couldn't help but envy her. If only she could stop thinking about Craig.

"You really have to stop thinking about him." Lucy said ever so clairvoyant. Her words stung Sarah. "Look, why don't I show you how to make some jewelry. We need more things to sell downstairs. I could so use your help. Besides, I have a few unfinished projects. Like some pillows."

Sarah sighed as she followed Lucy to her little room with all her treasures. She guessed Lucy was determined to keep her busy.

where to turn

2011-07-21T01:54:00.043-05:00

Ali tried her best to keep up with the song the band was starting to practice in Spencer's basement. She'd sang the Katy Perry song several times. Even at home alone. And she was very alone these days. But it took effort with the group. She felt like the fifth wheel, perhaps.

"Whats the matter?" Todd told everyone to stop.

"I dunno." It was hard to focus. Sure, Cory called, but she felt as if each day she was losing him while he was on the road with the tour. "I guess I thought..I thought Cory would be back by now." She sighed.

"I'm sure he's coming back." Todd tried to sooth her nerves. "You'll just have to put up with me..we'll make the best of it..until he comes back." He nodded.

Ali shook her head. She felt so lost. It didn't feel right. Something just wasn't right.

"Its just..what if he doesn't come back?" She felt as a part of her might be gone as well. She winced then. "I just...feel..so..alone." She finally croaked, knowing they didn't want to hear this.

"Look, with or without, Cory..we, need you in this band." Todd informed her. There was no Casey to put her down. It was just Todd, her, Benny and Spencer now. And suddenly Todd was the front man. He started to pay his electric guitar.

"We'll make it work." He promised. "You've got the voice. We'll back you up. We will."

"OK." She knew they were counting on her. "But, we'd like to see what you got." She gave him a flirty grin. "Come on, we need to hear you sing too. I can't do it, totally alone."

Todd cracked up. "OK, I gonna wing it. But you gotta start. I like harmony, OK." He was suddenly serious.

Ali supposed she'd have to lead the way. He was waiting. She looked to Benny to start the drums. Ali wanted to wish for the best, but a part of her was ready for the worst if Cory didn't come back.

part of the job

2011-07-19T01:53:00.060-05:00

Casey was at his wits end. He couldn't bare to listen to anymore of Nina's blubbering over the fact that Casey's Dad died during the Gulf War. Then she was upset with him that he wasn't upset.

Finally, he'd had enough. Casey called his mother.

"Don't you hang up on me." He informed her he knew what she'd done. How could she? "You lied, didn't you? You told your best friend a boatload of shit, about somebody who didn't even exist! Didn't you!"

He waited for an answer. It was a long wait. He set himself down on the commode lid and pondered at all the effort Nina was putting into the bathroom to make it look like something from a magazine. But in the corner there were spider webs building. Dust seeping slightly. It was hard living the good life. The outside was always creeping back in.

"Its not like you think it is." She told him so slowly.

"But it is. Its just like I think it is. You, messed around with your best friend's husband. And what do I get? Nothing. Not a damn thing." He kept staring at the tiles as if maybe he'd find some solitude now in all this, but he hadn't.

"You're gonna be just fine, Casey." She informed him.

"Well, I don't think you give a damn. I just wish you'd tell me the truth. Just once, tell me the truth!" He demanded as his dark eyes were engrossed with anticipation. He would have kicked something, but he told Nina he had to go to the bathroom. He didn't want her calling 911 if she heard him breaking something.

"You always had food to eat, and you never went without." She reminded him.

"Yeah, thanks to Grandy's thrifting and canning everything from the garden." Casey lashed back.

"What is it, that you want? Money?"

"Its not the money." He closed his eyes. He just wanted real family reunions and people he could call his Aunt or Uncle. He wanted to be able to call his real dad, Dad.

"If its the money you want. Then you'll want to talk to your grandmother." His mother told him.

"Grandy has no money." Casey didn't even know why they were talking about this.

"Yes, but the Gilberts do." She told him.

"Gilberts?" Casey squinted hard.

"They know who you are." She told him. "I just didn't have it in me, to let them see you, when you were little. But they're so old now. I don't think they'd care if you weren't really their grandson."

Casey let out a breath. Just all he needed, more lies.