Monday, September 13, 2010

nothing to think about

Ka-Rad felt completely miserable with himself now. He left Lucy alone. She had her own bed to wallow in. Of course, he was afraid to stay. It was weird and he wasn't sure if he could explain it to anyone how it happened. Why was it like that?

He'd wanted her to shut up. Honestly, he didn't want any of this to be his fault. Not with her and Cory. Not with the band. Or how he'd upset Benny. He just wanted everything to be quiet.

It troubled him now as he walked the streets. Alone. Thinking. Thinking he was possibly the monster. He might be the weirdo, the creep. Maybe even a fucking Moron. It was scary. He'd scared himself. Possibly. And yet, he'd been turned on at the same time. Another reason, he had to get out of there fast. He might have fucked her if given another chance.

He shook his head, no. He didn't want to believe that. First of all, she was a little drunk. She was going off the deep end. He'd never seen her like this. They were the best of BFFs. He cringed then. How could he have done something like that to her? How?

It was so upsetting. He felt his face flush. He couldn't help but want to cry. But it was best to leave it alone. Leave it. Stop thinking about it. He walked on and found himself in front of Spencer's who met him at the door.

"What is it?" Spencer made over him instantly as if some bully had had a go at him or maybe someone had bashed his car or stolen his makeup at work.

"I feel so responsible." Ka-Rad wept in his hands and Spencer got him to sit down with him.

"But you shouldn't." Spencer rubbed his shoulder.

"Its like I'm Yoko Ono and you guys are the Beatles, you know." He cried over more tears. He did believe it, even if he was making this shit up as he went along. He couldn't possibly tell Spencer the truth about Lucy.

"God, don't do this to yourself." Spence hugged him close. Soon enough he was kissing away the tears and they were making out and Ka-Rad didn't think about Lucy, anymore. He wasn't going to. It was so good with Spence. How could he dare ignore that? The guy was totally into him and..and he wasn't going to think about Lucy. He wasn't.

"You can stay the night, can't you?" Spencer finally got around to asking.

Ka-Rad just nodded. He needed something to fuck right now.

8 comments:

ellie said...

The part about the Beatles cracked me up. Oh boy.

Sara Lynn said...

Wow, I hope he gets this worked out, things might get bad.

Syed said...

Woah, he is definitely in some bad headspace.

Cafe Fashionista said...

I hope things don't go awry. :/

meg said...

Well, I'm glad he's sorry. I hope he can make ammends or somethings. Make a decision and stick with it.

E.L. said...

He seems pretty perplexed about this.

ori said...

I was really wondering how his reaction what about what took place with Lucy.

Katie said...

Oh no, not good :(