Sunday, December 19, 2010

a sad time

Spencer felt as if he'd been left in the cold when Todd told him the news.

"I can't stay with you. It wouldn't be right." It seemed to him that Todd was determined to be unhappy.

"But you don't have too." Spencer didn't care if Todd had been unfaithful. "It was just one time. I can't see why you have to do this!" Spencer shouted back as if he would be the better one, of the two. As if he could easily forgive him about this situation with Lucy. But no, Todd kept packing. Although, half the clothes he had to put back were Spencer's, not his. And Todd was crying, but he kept getting ready to go.

"You deserve better." Todd was certain of it. "When this all settles, you'll see what a rat I was to you. I hurt you. I did. And you deserve, so much better. You do, Spencer." Of course, Todd looked at an empty Christmas tree they hadn't decorated yet. He almost lost it then, but he left. He left before Spencer could beg  him to stay.

Spencer just sat there on the couch for the longest time, hugging himself. He hadn't felt this alone in a very long time. And he hated it. He hated it so much. But he should be used to this. It was his life. It was lonely Christmases, year after year. Just he and his grandmother. She'd buy him a new suit, he'd never wear. They'd watch TV. It was always so silent. He wondered now how he'd ever learned to talk. Usually, he had his sketch pad and he'd get involved with drawing pirates or space aliens. Hell, he'd even tried his hand at fashion. Just depended on his mood. But he could look at the empty pad and fill it with what was ever floating around in his head.

Now he thought he might be sick. He didn't feel like doing anything.

Then Benny showed up.

"I thought I'd go with you to that thing." Benny sounded so indifferent as if he didn't want to be here, either.

"What thing?" Spencer sniffed back tears. He didn't even want to look at Benny. They had such a warped friendship, as it was. Really, he felt nothing for him now.

"The interview." Benny just stared at him as if he they'd better leave before they missed it.

"I'm not coming." He sniffed harder. He wanted to be alone. Didn't Benny see that?

"Why can't you?" Benny winced as if he might have stung him a little.

"Why should I?" That's when he told him about Todd leaving him. Benny showed no emotion which was what Benny did. He was as calloused as the first moment they'd met so long ago down at the comic book shop. Of course, he'd showed Benny some of his drawings and Benny had slightly shared an inkling that he might like them.

"Just go! OK!" Spencer didn't need to have the most unfeeling person around right now. He wished he'd never thought he and Benny might be together, by now. They never would.

Finally, Benny left. Spencer looked around his place. He screamed so hard then to release the pain he felt. He really felt like pulling his hair out, but just a tear dripped down his face. He grabbed his coat then and locked up. He went out into the cold dark night. Snow fell softly. It would cover his tracks soon enough.

7 comments:

Cafe Fashionista said...

My heart is breaking for Spencer right now. I hope that he's okay. :/

ellie said...

I feel really sad and so bad for him. Why can't Benny be more understanding?

autumn said...

Wish I could do that, too: to scream so hard to release the pain inside.

molly said...

Such a sad time for this to happen.

ivy's closet said...

Really, I do hate to see him this way.

meg said...

I hope he'll be OK.

She is Sara said...

Poor Spencer! I hope he is okay, I am really bummed about Benny, so stone-faced.