somewhere on the fence

Ezra felt in limbo. He wished he knew how to please everyone at the church and Sarah too.

If only he could find work, somewhere else. But what could he do?

He'd always feel his epilepsy was his biggest handicap. He needed insurance. And to get insurance he needed to marry Sarah. It was so simple. But he didn't want her thinking that was all there was to it.

He guessed she knew.

"Fine. Lets just have a wedding." She blurted now.

"Now..now is not a good time, you know. The holidays are coming up. It..it would be impossible." He looked at her as the cookie in his mouth lost its taste. He thought he might choke.

"Well, this needs to be done." She insisted. "We can get it done at the court house. They can throw us a party when ever they feel like it. And..and if they think we need a church wedding..then so be it.. in June then. But we'll be married."

She sounded mad about this. He didn't like her tone. Of course, he was possibly dragging his feet. They had not agreed on everything. And now he wondered if he was looking for excuses. She was making him sound like he was.

"My Mom is not even here. She went to Florida." He looked at her blankly.

"I know." Sarah crossed her arms. "If she was even here, would she even care? Huh?"

He said nothing. His hand tremored  slightly.

"I thought so." She was in a pout.

"I don't even know if she'd even your real mother."

He heard her say under her breath.

Ezra winced hard. The whole information about his father was a lost cause. He'd certainly felt his mother smothered him, enough. But the fact came down to this. Sarah was his family. He just didn't want to bring her down, anymore than he had.

It was easy to see how her parents felt about him. He might as well be a house husband. Ezra went to put on his shirt. Suddenly a chill made him shiver. He remembered the CDs in his backpack.

The pastor finally got them back from the company that wanted to produce the music CD. It was Ezra music, he'd composed it himself. Mainly, himself on the piano. It was something churches around the area were fond of playing before services, sometimes funerals. It was soothing music for quiet times. Ezra was certain he wouldn't make any money. After all, it was just a gift of love to him.