lights out

After dinner when the dishes were done, and all was cozy and warm, Spencer felt like turning in early. It was still cold most nights and he wanted to hibernate, trying his best to stop thinking about his kiss with Benny.

Why did it have to happen now? He thought of how he'd waited so long to get Benny's attention. It was definitely a little too late. They both knew they couldn't break what his brother had going with Benny. He needed to forget it. Somehow.

Perhaps, he would always be a solo act. Actually, he was a master of it, for the most part. Still it was depressing. He needed to be alone, and he had his own room still. Spencer knew he had a lot to be grateful for.

He sighed, finding his way to his room, but he heard a knock at the front door. It was getting dark out. He couldn't imagine who it would be. He hesitated to open it, but to his surprise, there was Noah standing on the porch.

"Could we talk?" Noah asked.

"You should have called." Spencer told him. He didn't shut him out, however. Maybe it was the idea of not making things happen with Benny, he let Noah in.

"You won't answer my calls." Noah looked at him blankly.

Spencer gave him a shrug.

"Damn it, Spence, you have to listen to me." Noah winced sadly, as if he couldn't go away.

"Why? Should I?" Spencer shook his head, no.

"Because, I miss you. I know you don't see it that way. But I'm here, aren't I?" Noah grabbed the sleeve of his sweater and pulled him back. "We can work this out."

Spencer gritted, wondering if they could. But he wasn't sure they were looking at this the same way. Did it matter? Spencer bit his bottom lip as he looked up at him.

"I - I want to be alone with you." Noah told him.

"We can go to my room." It was the best he could offer. He wasn't going anywhere with him. If this crowd was too much for Noah, it was best if he left now. Possibly, this was just a little test in Spencer's book. He thought he'd gone out of his way, more than enough with Noah. It wasn't like the place was a drug den of some kind. These were his friends. And he was not giving them up. Yet, maybe if, it did happen, Spencer would think of it.. being casual. He was determined there would be no love lost between them.

Noah hesitated, but he followed. Spencer shut the door behind him.

Noah kissed him in the dark. Spencer was smiling. Evidently, there was nothing to talk about. Noah pressed Spencer against the door. His hand rested on his jaw, the other unbutton his jeans. "I love you." Noah's breath was hot and smelled of sweet cinnamon.

Spencer didn't think he could say those three little words back, but it didn't matter. It felt good to be wanted, again.