Saturday, September 1, 2012

Don't change a thing for me

It was mysterious to Trevor. This whole thing with Fergie and the baby. Just when he thought she wasn't needy, she was.

But the show must go on. He hated that he'd left it in such limbo with her. But really, his life was a bit of a shadow, lately.

True, he had a job. He had his sister. It was a miracle that he even got this gig. Sage help clear it with who ever was in charge down at Juv. Seriously, it was a big night for him.

He wanted to take care Fergie, he did. Honestly, he knew she couldn't make it on the streets. It was an overwhelming thought to think how he could possibly provide for her. Wasn't it all decided now? Where the baby would be. Who would be keeping it? He'd read the papers. Signed them. It was a done deal.

Still, he hadn't thought much about her or the baby. Yes, there were some sleepless nights where he imagined his own child with him. But it was like a false memory that would never exist. And it made him melancholy. He tried not to feel bad with the future with Fergie, who had a way to consume him.

But was she really here for him? Did she really even know him? He thought about this as he was getting ready for the show. All the tuning and the sound checks. He needed to focus on the night. Not her, but he hated to be so cold. He really didn't want to be this way.

Then he imagined what she really wanted from him. It wasn't his touch, being close. Exactly. It was what he could give her. Tangible with credit of their undying love. He wasn't who she expected him to be. He didn't have the means to take care of her.

Bitter tears almost got the best of him, but he focused and took Todd's lead. It was as if he could disappear into the music for a little while. He wanted to. He needed this. And it was good to lose sight of Fergie in the crowd.

Todd started in on an old INXS tune. For the first time, Trevor was finding new meaning to the song.


caitlin and megan said...

Hopefully, Trevor will come around. But I can see where he's coming from.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Fergie always keeps people on their toes. :)

ellie said...

Somehow, I think Trevor feels it is time to move on.