Saturday, January 22, 2011

When your tears are the only thing that kiss your face*

Spencer would try his best to listen to Keith. But there were so many nights he laid awake wondering about Ka-Rad. He guessed no one called him that anymore. Ka-Rad was the past. Todd was the future.

"You have to start thinking positive. Think, the best is yet to come." Keith promised him if he stayed focused with college that would be his anchor, soon enough. It also helped that Keith knew more establish people to hob-nob with, he guessed. And it felt good to hear Keith say he was his brother when he went to these places with him. He'd follow Keith's lead. But really, he wasn't that much into socializing.

"See, if you want to take this art serious enough, you gotta find a job at a gallery. Let them know, you're there." And so little by little he was becoming acquainted with what he wanted to do.

Yet, he found himself feeling sad that he wasn't thinking about Todd enough. What was Todd doing? Was he getting by? Was Todd having the time of his life, or was he stuck in a situation he could hardly breathe in? Spencer found time to think about Todd when he knew he shouldn't. But he was moving on too.

Then there was his Dad to think about, but at least he had Keith there to make it not so severe. They'd meet him for dinner. It wasn't like he moved in with him. His Dad was a salesman. It seemed.. he enjoyed being up in the air, a lot. But for years he'd driven his car a lot, and he said that might happen again, with the way things looked, lately with the economy.

Of course, they never talked about what Spencer wanted to talk about. The past.

After while, on those nights when he couldn't sleep, he started to smile, thinking it might take Oprah to get his Dad to open up. But maybe there was no real reason to. They were fine. Everything was beginning to feel fine. Except when he had those moments, when he wondered if Todd ever thought of him at all. And a tear would come to his eye, he doubted Todd remembered him. Probably couldn't remember the color of his eyes, where that mold was on his back.

The tears kept coming until he thought he might be sick. He didn't want to forget him. He would close his eyes and imagine Todd was there. Just to picture him, how he used to be. Somehow, he slept better at night if he knew he was there in his dreams. And he thought he might love him more now than he did when he was around.

*lyric from HOME by Parlor Hawk

8 comments:

jasper hale fan fic said...

I really like that song too. Spencer really is stronger, than I think he is.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Spencer is such a tough individual. :)

cait said...

He loves Todd..more than he'll probably, ever know.

ellie said...

OH, I hope Spencer will be OK.

It's a Girl said...

Spencer has definitely been proved.

Meg said...

I hope Spencer is able to move on.

She is Sara said...

Poor Spencer, he cares so much :(

meg said...

I really feel sad for him.