Thursday, June 7, 2012

not just another day

Trevor knew he wouldn't be going anywhere for a long time. He kept his head in a book. A part of him wanted to think about Fergie. It was like a good daydream. Possibly, it might have been good to get her last name. A phone number.

As it was, they hung out in the park. Sometimes. Why the park? Why was the park his haven? He wanted to be at the park in the wide open spaces, yet close to her, sharing a cigarette. Of course, that wasn't all they'd shared.

She was the quiet sort. A little smile, here and there. Perhaps, and unspoken language, he now thought. If only they'd talked more. Well, she might not like him, if she'd gotten to know him. He wasn't exactly one of those intellectual guys. Honestly, it was a surprise that she'd taken a liking to him.

No, he was not one of those guys who knew he was handsome and could charm a girl. It wasn't like that. He was the shy and timid sort. But, he'd learned to get by. On his own. He should have known he would have been alone. Kelsey couldn't do everything for him. But she'd made sure he had food. A place to sleep. He'd never felt a comfort with anyone like his sister. When her arms were wrapped around him, when he was small, that was what he remembered most about her, protecting him.

A feeling like that didn't exist anymore. It felt as if so many emotions were dried up inside him. It was best to not let anything get to him, anymore. But it was exciting to feel a gun in his hand. Although, he wasn't really a killer. All he'd done was shot up a trash can. He didn't rob anyone at gun point.

Yes, he'd sneaked into basements, took things. Usually, it was stuff, nobody wanted. Maybe they even forgot they had it. But he didn't regret it, really. It was just this old habit. Now they made him feel he might be the new Billy The Kid.

But things simmered down now. He guess fame was like that. Well, not for those Hollywood types. He couldn't imagine keeping that momentum. He was under lock and key now. Just what would become of him when they were finished with him? Did he have any plans?

He needed to keep his grades up if he wanted to go to college. Boystown might help him yet. He thought of how the word worried him even when he was so young. His father warned him about Boystown. Then he'd threaten to drop him off there. And now, it was the only salvation that existed. But then Kelsey showed up. He perked up. He'd never had any family to show up here.

"I didn't know if ..if you'd want to see me." She looked different now. Trevor couldn't quite explain it, but she looked so emotional.

"Of course, I wanted to see you." He smiled as if everything was OK. He should have tried to stop her, from before, when he saw her that one time, probably over a year ago. Yet, that felt like a dream of some kind. Now she was here. "Why would you say that?"

"I dunno." Tears welled up in her eyes as she choked on a breath.

"Don't be sad, OK. I'm fine. You know, this..this is..what it is." She was making him sad too.  He sat there at a table in his mandatory orange T-shirt and sweat pants.

"But.." She was distraught. Funny, how she made him want to cry too. He didn't think he could, but he had too.

"You got us away. You did..." Trevor thought of her now as some sort of superhero. How she'd always wanted to hang on to him, so badly, but it wasn't like that. Not always. He knew he should have clung on to her, when he had a chance. But he couldn't. Someone else always took her away from him. "Its not your fault. Its not.. None of it, is your fault." He promised.

5 comments:

Cafe Fashionista said...

Trevor needs her so much right now. :(

meg said...

I hope she can get him out of there.

W. said...

They need each other.

Sara said...

They really do need each other.

ellie said...

This made me so sad for him.