sex on the regular

Why? Why did she do this to herself? The thoughts rolled over in Jess's head a couple of times as she strapped herself inside Roco's mega truck. The tires might as well have been tractor tires. Why did everything have to be so big with him?

She didn't think he was always this way, but then again, things weren't always this way with her, either.

There was a time when her world revolved around Cameron's father who she just called Cam. It was such a time of laughter, although, it hadn't been exactly easy. They were both in college. He was an orderly, but planned on being a doctor some day. He was going to give back to the community, some way. But then the drive by happened and that changed everything.

He was in nursing school and possibly a Momma's boy, but she really liked that about him. He really took care of the women in his life. His mother. His grandmother. Even his cousin adored him. He worked two jobs and went to school.

How could she forget him so easily?

Well, she couldn't get caught up in the past now. Not with Roco, who really didn't know a thing about her.

He seemed really OK in the beginning. Yes, his body building was something on the side. She didn't really care. He worked on auto-body stuff too. She wouldn't have gone out with him on her own. Her friend Lexi, who sometimes got her to work in her salon, was engaged to his brother. So, one thing lead to another and now they were a couple.

Lexi went off to Florida with Bruno. And here Jesse was all alone with Roco.

It was possibly the side effects of the steroids that made Rocco this way. Or just the alcohol. Business was not good for him lately. He'd invested a lot of money in his truck, the motor cycle and himself. She knew it didn't have a thing to do with her even if he said it was all her fault.

She never let him see Cameron. It was a wise choice. It was best this way, but she worried about her son. She hoped he was OK, even if she told him in her fierce way not to be a baby. Maybe she was talking about herself.

Cameron was almost ten now. He needed to start taking care of himself. Fight his own battles. Even so, she wanted to be with him. Just watching him sleep would have been a nice dream. Not spending the rest of the night at a bar with Roco.

But there they were, making their way across the gravel inside where it might as well have been a steam bath. He met some of his friends. She  hung back thinking she might sneak away. Although, it would have been a very cold night to walk home. Her fake fur wasn't all that warm, and these skinny jeans wore thin.

Of course, there were girls on stage wearing less and pole dancing.

She asked for a shot of tequila. She'd need a couple of shots to manage through this. It wasn't even the weekend yet and here they were.

Jesse hugged herself tight. She did not want to partake of any of this, but it might be a little too late for that.